Written by David
Start of entry. M:41 State of war Authorisation A.D.M.I.N. Level 4 ( Clearance High 933384 )
David lies at the edge of a window, rifle cradled in his shoulder. A dead follower of the Expert lying in the middle of the road, David’s bullet lodged into his forehead, crimson blood still dripping like red tears out of the wound.
David scans the rest of the street. His eyes taking in every detail, every nook and cranny searched for enemies. The area is clear and David slowly crawls out of his foxhole. Suddenly a sound, like a small rock hitting concrete snaps into David’s ears. David whirls around, pistol drawn, only to find Space Marine looking at him. His helmet gleaming in the light.
” Hell Gnat, you nearly gave me a heart attack” David says.
“I need to talk to you David. It’s about Codename Blood Dancer”.
“Blood Dancer? Is something wrong? He was assigned to protect Diana”.
” I know. Expert’s minions jumped him. Diana got him out but he is not looking good. From what I have heard, He took a bullet to the shoulder and one to the gut trying to protect Diana. I swear he loves that girl.”
” We need to get them outta there. Now. ”
Gnat pulls a GPS from his belt. He indicates to a green pulse with an armoured finger.
“Here they are. In Gias Tower, about half a click west of here.”
“Ok”, David says. “Lets move”.
-Meanwhile in Gias Tower-
Blood Dancer and Diana slowly creep out out their shelter. Blood seeped from Blood Dancer’s wounds. Diana’s hands are soaked in his blood from changing his bandages. She had used his comlink to get a long range message to HQ on the Alpha Plateau. All she could do now was hope that her call for help had been answered. She cradled Blood Dancer’s broken body in her arms. Tears leaked out of her eyes. Because this man had put his life on the line for her. He had stopped those bullets meant for her. There was nothing that she could do but to hold Blood Dancer in her arms, and wait for help to arrive. She sang slowly to him.
“Even if I say it’ll be alright
Still I hear you say you want to end your life
Now and again we try to just stay alive
Maybe we’ll turn it around ’cause it’s not too late
It’s never too late”
” I know its not Dee. I won’t die on you yet.” Blood Dancer softly says.
That message Diana sent had been heard. But not just by Alpha Plateau…..
“Don’t worry Blood, Evac is on the way”.
She hopes.
To be continued…
Loading ...
August 26, 2009
#1
HAH!
Good job, mate.
August 26, 2009
#2
NOOOOOO BLOOOOD!!!!!
darned Cultists of Experts.
August 26, 2009
#3
Meh, I think this is a bit far. In reality this is only going to incourage him. You just gave him minions, and aparently there good enough to take down factpilers. Its only helping his ego, anyway im gonna just ignore any post that involves Imp.
August 26, 2009
#4
“In reality this is only going to incourage him.”
Many Factpilers (Rob and possibly even myself) need very little direct retorts to justify their inflaiming actions. If this article was not written, Rob could just as well find another excuse to instigate conflict. As long as things are not taken too far, taking jabs at one another is really no big deal.
Keeps things amusing at the very least.
As it is, I find the article to be entertaining. Odly enough, this particular entry amused me the most:
“Start of entry. M:41 State of war Authorisation A.D.M.I.N. Level 4 ( Clearance High 933384 )”
This is a lot like the East Coast/West Coast (arguably, gangsta rap in general) feud. We all know how many records were sold just to hear the artists take a crack at one another. The whole mentality of “I can dis you, but you can’t dis me” is always entertaining.
…I just hope no one gets shot at the end of the day.
August 26, 2009
#5
It’s well written,but don’t you think you’re just adding fuel to the fire?
August 26, 2009
#6
I’m very very honored that a story is being developed around me.
August 26, 2009
#7
nice try
but storys wont make him go away
August 26, 2009
#8
This story actually has given me the idea to write perhaps a few feature length novels of my own for everyone in the Factpile community to enjoy! Get Ready!
Thanks
August 26, 2009
#9
this sound like a good story, and if u need charectors, im game, if u want to, ofcourse, i think this will be interesting to see how this developes
August 26, 2009
#10
wow. I can’t beleive it. Imp’s gonna write a book. Damn.
August 26, 2009
#11
Nice one!
This is actually a pretty fun read.
And, of course, Mata is right. If this wasn’t here, something else would’ve boosted Expert’s ego instead of this.
August 26, 2009
#12
this is well written i must say.as stated before if you are going to deal eachother small jabs like this with some slight flames in it it is ok.hell i actully dont mind reading more of this.
August 26, 2009
#13
very good David. it’s well written.
August 26, 2009
#14
Almost cried when Blood Dancer took the bullet……if only he had the blessing of Khorne like Space Marine…..he would have had a chance *crying*……
- the emotional, pondering fool
August 26, 2009
#15
Hey Guys
Thanks for reading.
I’m gonna write another soon.
@ Blood Dancer
I remembered your whole in love thing for Diana. Well it has come true! ( well Almost)
August 26, 2009
#16
Great work David can’t wait for part 2
August 26, 2009
#17
wish i could write like this…..the only thing im proud that i wrote was an assignment for Sci-Fi Lit class, we had to create an alien race, and most people just wrote like a page but i created a whole society and culture and wrote a short (3 page) story about the one i drew, they looked a lot like the protoss, i wish i still had it…..my teacher stole it to “show to the next classes” T_T
August 26, 2009
#18
Nice Story. I really liked it and it was very creative.
August 26, 2009
#19
That was awsome. Too bad it has expert in it.
August 26, 2009
#20
“That was awsome. Too bad it has expert in it.”
Why you can’t have a story good without a good villian
August 26, 2009
#21
@David
that was kind of you my friend
Almost of course, she clouds my thoughts day and night… what to do?
now, seriously, it’s pretty good. ever considered a writing career?
August 26, 2009
#22
@ Pondering Fool
Uh, Blood Dancer is still alive my friend.
August 26, 2009
#23
@ megaraptor
It’s true, you need a good bad guy in these sort of things. Now I must think what happens next.
August 26, 2009
#24
@David
True he is, but how can he survive the countless bullets he took for Daina? Such a drama……my heart is racing……nice job with the article anyway David, can’t wait for the next one mate.
- the nervous, pondering fool
August 26, 2009
#25
@ pondering fool
He survives because he loves Diana so much. And he WAS assigned to protect her. ( I pulled some strings at HQ )
LOL
August 26, 2009
#26
Yes!! The old style is back! Thanks admin.
August 27, 2009
#27
yeah im just going to throw it out. Alpha wants to know if he will be put in. I was talking to him on the Xat thing and he was saying like the suspense of killing him (or soemthing im tired atm).
So yeah just put him in as a Commando, preferably in alpha squad. The squad is nicknamed the ‘alphacommandos’ and he is the last one left. Thus he is the ALPHACOMMANDO!
Oh and *if* you put me in i declare SNIPER! But yeah other then fueling expert to possiby be making his own its good.
August 27, 2009
#28
“Yes!! The old style is back! Thanks admin.”
The good old, posting style is back but for how all.
August 27, 2009
#29
sweetness. This is great, oh, i love being the 10 foot tall goliath that is called gnat..
August 27, 2009
#30
Hey david, Maybe my superhuman strength, (Being a benefit of a space marine)
I could throw you towards the tower to get you there faster. If you don’t die from falling though. >.>
August 27, 2009
#31
@ Gnat ( yes I mean you space marine)
The Part two should be here in a few hours.
@ Expert
This story actually has given me the idea to write perhaps a few feature length novels of my own for everyone in the Factpile community to enjoy! Get Ready!
No way man. This be my bandwagon. Just be glad you are the bad guy. To quote Kim Jong Il from team america ” Im in the middle of this pran. It is a very seroius and complecated pran. I am sick of you b@#tards Fu$%ing it up. Goodbyeee!!
@ swifterdeath
So yeah just put him in as a Commando, preferably in alpha squad. The squad is nicknamed the ‘alphacommandos’ and he is the last one left. Thus he is the ALPHACOMMANDO!
Hmmm sounds a bit too cliche. I do have a specail ‘ Pran” For the triumvirate.
Oh and *if* you put me in i declare SNIPER!
Hey. Im the sniper. Do you understand CORPORAL Swift.
But I have something speacil for you as well. ( James bond anyone)?
Mega LOL
Oh and Diana if you do turn up and read this.
Before you rip me in half for puting you and Blood Dancer together, It gets better ok? There will be no sex scenes so your pretty well covered.
August 27, 2009
#32
Youre making expert a competent villain?
Ah well, was hoping for Megalomaniac Invader Zim humor. If im in Its Purifying Fire all the way. Or at least Brotherhood of Nod T7 Particle Rifles.
Maybe you can add Xena in too as that annoying woman with rabid fans that expert really dislikes.
August 27, 2009
#33
great part 1 cant wait 2 see wat happens after
August 27, 2009
#34
Hot damn… Well written, instant hook…
Keep them coming!
August 27, 2009
#35
Haha I am by no means wanting to jump on your little bandwagon. I would think it is you that is hoping on mine. Or else you wouldn’t need me as part of your story..
August 27, 2009
#36
This bandwagon is the one for me
August 27, 2009
#37
i’m curious about part 2.
August 27, 2009
#38
as am i, jus for refernence if im put in it, i like sword and knifesbetter than guns, but a combo is even better, and yes i am saying i woold like to be in it , if thats not to pretentous of me
August 27, 2009
#39
Just got around to reading this.Nicely done.
August 27, 2009
#40
@ SS
No worries mate it is all good. Ill find something for you in part 3 if i can write it up
August 28, 2009
#41
thanks man, dont mind dying either just wanna see what you do
August 28, 2009
#42
what does the acronym A.D.M.I.N. stands for by the way? Is it the NORAD? Or the DEFCON?
I’m quite confused on the intentions of this thread if this is supposed to be meant for slapping Expert or normally a war novel or even BOTH….
“Oh and Diana if you do turn up and read this.
Before you rip me in half for puting you and Blood Dancer together”
Not taken David, I am still trying to comprehend the meaning of this thread or “story” of yours…… BTW, am I targeted for termination here?
“There will be no sex scenes so your pretty well covered.”
LOL! Good thing we are not using movie type romances here…
August 28, 2009
#43
Lol, Diana must be terminated! Shoot blood dancer!
August 28, 2009
#44
“Lol, Diana must be terminated!”
That’s a negative Gnat…
“Almost of course, she clouds my thoughts day and night… what to do?”
Oh Am I? Seems that I have become some sort of an “external tormentor” here….hehehehe
August 28, 2009
#45
“Oh Am I? Seems that I have become some sort of an “external tormentor” here….hehehehe”
i suppose.
August 28, 2009
#46
@diana
you seem to be liking this a little too much…….lol
August 29, 2009
#47
@ Diana
Wait and see my friend.
I’m quite confused on the intentions of this thread if this is supposed to be meant for slapping Expert or normally a war novel or even BOTH….
Lets say its a mild form of both. But war novel sounds good
August 29, 2009
#48
once again great post I love this plot. you should keep putting more fact-pilers into the story. cant wait to read part 2.
August 31, 2009
#49
“you seem to be liking this a little too much”
Quite, I could not even bring a token of appreciation for David
August 31, 2009
#50
“Lets say its a mild form of both. But war novel sounds good”
Fitting enough for a war novel.
September 1, 2009
#51
Quite, I could not even bring a token of appreciation for David
A token of appreciation? How about a date?
September 1, 2009
#52
And not the fruit kind of date