This conversation started in an older post “What Gives?!” and there were some great suggestions in there.

Consider this to be the OFFICIAL thread on all things regarding how we will make the flag that represents this site.

To be fair, we’ll let this run for a bit of time before we make some hard decisions on what it will be comprised of.

Think about it. When in time was it cool to be a Geek? For many long years, the label of ‘geek’ typically meant the smart weird kid who played Dungeons and Dragons in the cellar with his other strange friends. The thought of a female even talking to a geek was only if she were yelling at him to get out of the way.

Today in 2010, the Geek has climbed out from that cellar and is leading the way not only in innovation on the Internet, but also in entertainment. Think about the the movies that have not only been made in the past decade, but how successful they’ve been.

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy was proof to Hollywood that geeks are passionate about their favorite franchises, and are willing to shell out big bucks to get an enhanced experience with their favorite heroes. Iron Man, Transformers, X-Men and Batman, all comic and toy material have all become ‘cool’ to the consumer.

Video games used to be reserved to the hardcore geek, but with the Wii making my grandmother able to play games with easy to understand playability and practically non-existent learning curve, made gaming cool for everyone. Besides, can you really call an old person a geek?

Look at the current box office king – Avatar. Geek heaven all the way. The Star Trek reboot was the most successful film to date for the franchise. Look at the movies that are coming out in 2010 alone – a Clash of the Titans update, Iron Man 2, Prince of Persia, Jonah Hex, The Last Airbender, Predators, and even an updated version of Red Dawn.

Being savvy on technology now is almost required. Before the kids who knew all the specs on the latest gadget were geeks. Today, they are the writers at Engadget and Gizmodo breaking any and all news on the latest releases and are making a fortune at it.

Geeks created Google, Facebook and Twitter. Websites all of us use everyday and some rely on to make their way around the web.

Perhaps the biggest indicator that we are in the golden age of the Geek is that women have noticed. Not just ‘handsome’ women, but women that would be considered attractive by most standards. There are some very famous women who are self-confessed gaming and technology geeks.

Like all great things, this golden age we are currently living in won’t last forever. Like most things in life, since soo many people will have joined the geekdom, there will become a time when over-saturation will occur and the cycle will come to an end as people become turned off by comic book and video game character movies dominating the landscape.

What group will replace the Geek? If I knew, I’d start investing in their interests now, but I have not the answer, since I am enjoying this Golden Age while it lasts…

A story as told by Expert – Expert & Pontifixx vs The Fruitman and The Veggiman

A mythological battle took place last weekend in a place known as simply as The Pit. Two warriors faced off in a great battle against two other very evil powerful warriors.The warriors who names were Expert and Pontifixx (The Admin) squared off verse IamThefruitman and IAmTheVeggiman. The battle began in a furry as Pontifixx looked to Expert as to what to do. (Expert is the general of the team and Pontifixx commanding officer.) Expert quickly instructed Pontifixx to grab the needler of power and head towards the hall way known has the “Great Rocket Hall Way”. Pontifixx listened to the instructions and took off running at full speed. As this took place Expert grab a shotgun and headed off in another direction.

Pontifixx was rushed into a great battle against both Veggiman and Fruitman. Their power over the vegtables and fruit was clearly visible as Pontifixx gazed into their eyes. As he shot his needler he flew threw the air without any mercy for his very own soul. In constant communication with the General Expert, Pontifixx called out and said what was happening. Expert quickly grabbed the cloak of invisibility in hopes of coming to aid Pontifixx. But just then something magical happened that does not usually happen when Pontifixx is trapped within the hollows of The Great Rocket Hall Way. Veggiman fell to his death as Pontifixx flipped behind him and then with a slide of his fist Fruitman fell as well. A double kill of great magnitude happened this day. OH YES! Shouted Pontifixx as Expert arrived to the scene. Expert could not believe his eyes but the time for celebration was not upon us yet. Expert took off to find where Veggiman and Fruitman might have re-spawned within The Pit. It was only a matter of time before they did and once they did he knew they would be back to plant their seeds of vegetation and evil fruits upon the world.

Pontifixx grabbed the great Rocket and headed off while Expert continued onward with the the cloak of invisibility over him. Just then Veggiman was there and Expert hidden in the cloak approached him and within a matter of seconds Veggiman’s life was at a end once again. As Expert turned around it was too late and Fruitman shot Expert to death. Pontifixx arrived but he was too late to save Expert. But with one shot of the Great Rocket Fruitman’s life came to a end…

This great battle went on for several minutes and the Expert Team took a good lead in the battle. But then with a few quick Pontifixx death’s it was tied at 22 to 22. Expert called out to Pontifixx and told him to get close to him so that he wasn’t out there dieing like a Noob all over the place. Pontifixx said yes and he was sorry but then a shroud of blackness filled The Pit and Pontifixx voice cut out. As Expert feared, Pontifixx very cheap lousy internet connection (Admin note: It’s not cheap, the Man Cave isn’t properly wired yet for Internet access) cut out and Expert was all alone with less then a minute left in a battle against Veggiman and Fruitman..

Expert loves a challenge such as this and never backs down. He grabbed his sniper rifle and took off towards the evil duo in order to end this once and for all. As Expert closed in on the two he began shooting Veggiman to the cusp of death. But just as he was about to fade Fruitman flew in and ended Expert’s life once again. The score was now 23 to 22. Expert new he had to stop them and knew they were near the great sword room. He ran there as he was running out of time. But just has he approached the great bridge, a power drain flew out of the sky and Expert was helpless as has he got gunned down by both the Veggiman and Fruitman… The score was now 24 to 22. As the last glitter of life went from Expert’s eyes. He gazed into the sky has Veggiman and Fruitman began tea-bagging themselves upon his dead body. A rage of anger flew over Expert and he awoke in the hall of invisibility and with all his bent up rage he took off and turned the corner to see them tea-bagging his dead body.

Expert threw his grenades and shot all his weapons utilizing all of his powers and skills he destroyed both Veggiman and Fruitman in a glorious double kill. Making the score 24 to 24 and he tea-bagged their dead bodies in rage with less then 20 seconds left in counting he jumped off the bridge only to see Veggiman and Fruitman had re-spawned right there. Expert began getting shot by both of them has the clock timer hit less then 5 seconds. Expert whipped out his shotgun he had torn from the dead carcass of Veggiman and then shoved that shotgun so far down Fruitman’s throat he couldn’t believe it. It was done… Expert pulled the trigger so fast he could see Fruitmans tears come from his eyes. The game had ended 25 to 24 and the timer ended as Expert yelled out in victory… No thanks to Pontifixx, Expert had rid the world of Fruitman and Veggiman and his work today was done….

The End..

Hey fellow factpilers. David here. You may remember from posts such as the ” Death of a King ” , ” The FarCry 2 Medical Handbook ” and most recently ” The War on Expert“. Well “Expert” has struck again at the general population (and at my story too, the cheeky bastard). So here I am, yet again trying to deal with this madness and the huge pile of “Issues” that he claims plague Factpile. Well, I better get to it. Expert regurgitated this mess up on the pure white carpet which is factpile, so now, I have got to hide or get rid of this stain, sort of like the one on your bed that you don’t want your mother to find out about. Or is that just me?

Anyway onto dissect some of his more worthy points of view. So without further ado (Because I am sort of losing your attention here) Take it away, myself.

“Who suggests some of these stupid battles? I mean come on. To the Admins credit he diligently filters through this trash and finds images and gets these post ready for everyone. Any man who takes the time to put together a post on Malcolm Reynolds & Jayne Cobbs Vs Han Solo & Chewbacca deserves a lot of credit. Then on top of that to have all of these people who don’t know a thing about what they are auguring about on here really sucks. Maybe we should do a Martha Stewart vs Master Chief at baking for gods sake. I’m sure everyone of you sheep would love to talk about that… These people don’t stop there they really truly believe a game that sucks as bad as Kill Zone is better then Halo 3. Halo is what helped get this website on even your radar”

First things first. On factpile, one would not expect people to know everything, ever. As a result, people tend to discuss and defend characters, situations etc that they have knowledge of. Looking at your above example “Malcolm Reynolds & Jayne Cobbs Vs Han Solo & Chewbacca”, I do not know who Jayne Cobbs or Malcom Reynolds are, therefore I would spring to the defence of Han Solo and Chewbacca simply because I am familiar with those characters, their weaknesses, strengths as well as limitations. This allows me to reply far more easily about what actions they would take in a specific situation. When it comes to wondering who would suggest some of these “stupid” battles, it is usually noted on the thread in question who suggested it. So if you would be so kind as to take approximately two seconds to read through the introduction of the thread, you would know exactly who had come up with the idea which would answer your question. Oh and I am not quite sure whether you in all your infinite wisdom would be able to truly define what is stupid. Also if you are going to complain about stupid people, you may wish to reconsider your exact medium of getting your ideas heard. Complaining about retards on the internet, is like complaining about bullets hurting. We already know and to be honest, it is quite frankly getting old. By the way, Master Chief would kick Martha Stewart’s wrinkly old arse in a baking competition. And I would pay to see it on the Food Channel. Who wouldn’t?

“With all of the power I wield around here I could easily delete anyone off this site but I haven’t.
I have however been pressing the Admin if he wants me to come here more often he should allow me to be full judge over these battles. I of course would take every one of your opinions into account and then determine the rightful winner of these battles. Other then the Admin who is probably biased towards the people who are commenting. Doing this will probably help make this a way better website. And no I can not be bribed into letting someone win vs another for those who might think that don’t even bother.”

Somehow I doubt that after this you will be able to exterminate all opposition to your ideals (and If I stop posting in the next few weeks, blame Expert). And bias towards people based on previous postings actually sounds like a good idea because otherwise a post like “STFU D00D, MC WOOD KIK DARF VADAS ASS COZ MC IS KEWL !001100!!010″ being held in the same regard as “Darth Vader would obviously have the edge in close combat but his lack of ranged attacks and armour would leave him open to ranged weaponry” (For all intents and purposes,this is an example. Any similarities to actual events and persons are purely coincidental). This would occur if you became almighty judge of all, as you would create your own bias towards certain users over time (cough, me, cough). Also, why would anybody want to bribe you to claim victory in a online debate about fictional things. We all are not like you who needs to get money from bribes to be truly happy.

“So yes I will save everyone here and help put a end to some of the problems. But I can only solve one issue around here at a time. Not everyone can be saved and a lot of you won’t make it….On another note what ever happened to that stupid story that someone was writing about me destroy everyone here? Oh yeah that’s right it got shelved because it sucked.”

“So yes I will save everyone here……Not everyone can be saved”
That was an extremely obvious contradiction my dear Expert. Seems as if your understanding of the English Language fails a bit. Did I say a bit? I mean a lot. A lot of fail. This is just the thing that is preventing you from making sense as well as proving that you are not the saviour of factpile that you act as though you are. All of a sudden I feel a lot less secure as a factpiler simply because my saviour doesn’t know what the FUCK he is doing!

I have been holding all the bile back throughout all of this and I am about to let the dams flow out now. Good job for posting how much factpile is horrible on FACTPILE you fanboy twat. Seriously, you may as well walk into a synagogue dressed like Hitler and ask if you can borrow some gas.

Yours sincerely. (Wait, what the hell did I say)?

Most of Factpile
And David.

Oh and PS

On another note what ever happened to that stupid story that someone was writing about me destroy everyone here?

Oh, what, you mean the War On Expert? Most of the people who read it said it was good. Which is a lot more then they can say about you. So……../pulls finger.

Jog on!

The Expert Zone – 2010 Edition – WHY FACTPILE SUCKS!

Well its been awhile but I figured it was time to get the sheep in line. Because lately I’ve seen the sheep getting a little bit out of line around the Factpile and thought it would be a good time to put them back in their places. Also this website kind of sucks pretty bad without me coming around from time to time. In fact I’m probably one of the only things that are good about this site lately.

So why does it suck Expert?

Don’t worry I’ll tell you why. Who suggests some of these stupid battles? I mean come on. To the Admins credit he diligently filters through this trash and finds images and gets these post ready for everyone. Any man who takes the time to put together a post on Malcolm Reynolds & Jayne Cobbs Vs Han Solo & Chewbacca deserves a lot of credit. Then on top of that to have all of these people who don’t know a thing about what they are auguring about on here really sucks. Maybe we should do a Martha Stewart vs Master Chief at baking for gods sake. I’m sure everyone of you sheep would love to talk about that… These people don’t stop there they really truly believe a game that sucks as bad as Kill Zone is better then Halo 3. Halo is what helped get this website on even your radar.

::ATTENTION NOOBS HALO WILL ALWAYS BE BETTER THEN KILLZONE!::

So what is good about it Expert?

At least the time I put into helping the Admin in the design portion of this website is looking good. Even though it could be better if he’d just flush all this content and redo this thing from scratch. But on a good note I’ve also enjoyed the new images section and Reviews lately. Those are probably the main highlights of the website right now and of course me showing up helps but I’m only going to take time to comment on a battle that actually is worth commenting on. Not something stupid that some sheep suggested on here that isn’t worth my time.

How can we correct the problems Expert?

With all of the power I wield around here I could easily delete anyone off this site but I haven’t.
I have however been pressing the Admin if he wants me to come here more often he should allow me to be full judge over these battles. I of course would take every one of your opinions into account and then determine the rightful winner of these battles. Other then the Admin who is probably biased towards the people who are commenting. Doing this will probably help make this a way better website. And no I can not be bribed into letting someone win vs another for those who might think that don’t even bother.

Why are you doing this for us Expert?

This full judge power will just be but one of the changes I will be pressing for this year. But one might ask themselves why do I even bother coming here if I think the website sucks. Well because since the dawn of the creation of Factpile I’ve done nothing but help the Admin by giving him new ideas and graphic help to turn this into the playground you all so much enjoy today. Thus with every new chapter in the life span of this site I must help push it to new levels of existence in order to keep all of you sheep happy.

Thank You Expert!

So yes I will save everyone here and help put a end to some of the problems. But I can only solve one issue around here at a time. Not everyone can be saved and a lot of you won’t make it….On another note what ever happened to that stupid story that someone was writing about me destroy everyone here? Oh yeah that’s right it got shelved because it sucked.

Till next time Sheep.
-Expert-

Winner: Not you.

Note: This entry is easily the longest post to EVER appear on FactPile. It’s over 7,000 words long, so be ready to take a bit of time to consume. Also, while I certainly give the author an ‘A’ for effort, there are many times where it’s hard to follow the story, and it’s just a bit hard to read. You’ve been warned.
– Admin

It was the year 9400 B.C.E. two hundred statia off the coast of France, the great city of Atlantis towered in all its might. That is until that dreaded day and night of misfortune. Like a diamond tossed into the watery depths, Atlantis sunk to the bottom of the sea…until it was needed again.

An ancient looking scientist looked at his reports and felt certain that the world’s most powerful weapon (the power over time) was within his grasp. After countless nights and days, over the last century, Dr. Rainier had almost completed his model when he looked at the date on the computer 7:30 A.M. March 19, 2972. The dreaded robotic reporters would be arriving any minute and he had not had any sleep nor time to prepare for the upcoming event. At 8:00 sharp, (right down to the nano second,) the robot reporters were in the massive, messy laboratory where the time machine model stood. At exactly 8:01 the reporters started asking questions for Dr. Rainier to answer. The questions included,
“How long did it take for you to build that object?”
“What does the object do?”
“ How many credits (money) did it take for you to build that object?”
“I can only answer one question at a time so let me start with the first one. It took me over a century to build this model of a time machine using only family funds. Let me think. It took 999 quadrillion credits and that of course is rounding down by a couple trillion credits and counting. Finally as the name suggests it can travel through time, however, a couple pieces didn’t fit by .000000000009 of an angstrom.”
“ Are you saying you spent 999 quadrillion credits on a piece of junk?”
“No, what I am saying is that this machine can go through time. I’ll give you an example that your puny robotic data systems can understand, for instance if you pressed the past button you can show up any where and at any time within Earth’s 4.2 billion years of existence. If you pressed the future button you will show up anywhere or time within Earth’s approximation of existence if not even further. Fortunately the present button isn’t off by that small a difference in fact not at all.”
“Exactly why are you making a time machine and for what purpose are we reporters supposed to do?”
“It started over a century ago when I thought of making a portal through space as a way to speed transportation. I was ,after all, a very wealthy person, and made a couple quadrillion credits every week. I was also the second wealthiest person in the world. The only person who was richer was the president of the United Congressional States of the North American Republic. When I started working on it there was a change of plans after the original were stolen and made into the Portable Ongoing Rotation Transportation Alternate Linkosphere.
After that, I started making a new portal with one slight change it can go through time and now my robotic reporters I give you my work: The Model Time Machine. As for why you dreaded robotic reporters are here it is to help me get government funds because the Rainier fortune is almost depleted.” A couple more hours of grueling interrogation the reporters packed up, thanked Dr. Rainier for his time and vanished through the PORTAL. At 11:00 p.m. Dr. Rainier went to his mansion and fell asleep. At 2:00 in the morning four thieves dressed in utter black were climbing up the wall of Dr. Rainier’s Laboratory and silently removed the window and stepped in on the 30th floor- excluding floor 13 for its unluckiness- one of the thieves stepped forward and threw off his hood- he had black hair, white skin, gray eyes, and looked about 30 and with a nice Mexican mustache. He moved toward the control panel and he dialed the numbers necessary he also did an iris scan and the security was turned off. This thief went by the name of Charlie Rainier. The thieves moved to the edge of the balcony, hooked up some repelling gear and jumped off. After every one was on the ground they quickly, silently, and stealthily moved toward the the center of the massive laboratory careful not to spring any more security alarms after the last and only disastrous but successful attempt to steal the PORTAL. When they got to the center of the room a couple thieves came forth with flame torches and set them at the right temperature so that after they were done the glass would come back together at a gentle push. After they separated the glass from the pedestal they grabbed the model. As soon as they turned around to leave the siren went off and 50 robotic security guards with rocket launchers on their backs and MSL9000 laser rifle/machine guns in their hands. At the sight of the security guards and their weapons the 4 thieves threw off their cloaks and pressed a button on their wrists and after a couple seconds of whirling machines the thieves were dressed in cyber armor from head to toe and they all grabbed in unison their laser 22 disrupter rifles.
“We have beaten these security guards before and we can do it again.”
“Yes, but last time there was only two and now there are 50.”
“Should we run, or fight?”
Charlie said, “We will stand our ground and fight ” with determination in his gray eyes.
With that said he ran to “the code box” and dialed the numbers necessary and then said, “I have just deactivated their MSL laser rifle/machine guns but I couldn’t over ride the security on their missile launchers!”
“Thanks for evening the odds, now lets take these ‘guards’ and destroy their data systems!
Without the pwx2200 security data systems we can take the left overs to our master and have an unstoppable army with in no time,” said Charlie
“Remember our orders to bring the model to the master in one piece, undamaged.” said the leader of the four. Then the leader gave the signal and all four charged the security guards not knowing if they would survive.

Miles away, in a Mayan temple made of steel and other modern building materials, but 20 times bigger than a normal Mayan temple the thieves’ master was pacing in the antechamber dressed in a tuxedo and his name was Derfurehr, he is currently the second richest man on the planet, and he also leeched money and technology from both Rainier and the president for over the last two centuries. He was deep in thought when Charlie and the thieves came into the antechamber with the model covered in soot and a line of 50 broken security robots.

“What took you sad excuse for being humans this long?” he said in utter rage. “You will pay the price for being late plus interest if that module is damaged in any way, shape or form!” With that said he strode over to the four thieves, took the module from them, set it safely on the ground, and sent all four sailing into the solid gold wall with enough force to crack their spines and the wall . After that he quickly sent all four people out of the door and doomed them to roll down 3,000 feet of thin small steps only to stop at the very bottom. While the thieves were rolling down the steps he summoned his chief scientist, who was no more than four feet eight inches tall, and gave him this order, “You will fix this time machine from the damage it has taken, plus you will bring these robotic security guards back online.” The scientist out of his knowledge of Dr. Rainier and out of bravery he said,
“It can not be done.”
“I know of your fear of heights so if it does not get done you will be experiencing your fear first hand. I have a really good incentive for you to start working on it immediately.” With that said he grabbed the chief scientist and lifted him to his 9 foot eye level then he threw the scientist as this particular bully would say “as easy as flipping a pancake” up into the air, he pressed a button on his wrist and the scientist was magnetized to the ceiling. He pressed another button, and the ceiling started to move upwards like an elevator all the while the scientist was screaming his head off from a massive dose of terror and adrenaline. When the Chief Scientist was on the ground Derfurehr said, “The terror you witnessed is only a hundredth of 1% of the terror you will witness if what I asked for is not complete within 6 months.”

Mean while at the Rainier Laboratory Dr. Rainier was finishing his authorization code that would gain him access to one of his security robots in Derfurehr’s base, noticing it was severely damaged and started the simple task of authorizing the “self repair” sequence. Once it was repaired Dr. Rainier stepped into the holoprojector which forced the robot to do exactly what Dr. Rainier did and said. After that he made the security robot take a “tour” of the facility, he found in the particular room he was in there was only one security officer and before the officer knew what had happened he fell down to the floor with a stasis blast. Dr. Rainier then took the security’s card key and walked out the door. Through the security robot Dr. Rainier made his way to the science lab and he found that the closer he got to the science lab the heavier the guard was and any guard he saw was shot with the stasis blast. When Dr. Rainier turned the corner that led to the science lab he found the the lab was guarded by 60 men and 1 of the security robot that was stolen by Durferehr. When he saw what he was up against he thought of blowing the security robot up with the explosion being stasis blasts. He quickly and digitally put the stasis pouch next to the generator and then he overloaded the system causing 40 men to be put into stasis instantaneously and the other 20 were severely injured. Dr. Rainier did a quick scan to see if there was any one else who would put a damper on his efforts to retrieve the time machine module, when his scans was a negative he stepped through the door. Dr. Rainier saw the science lab and it had the following mesurements: the size of 1 1/2 football fields long, 1 1/2-2 semi trucks wide, and a had a the height of a 4-5 story tall building. (For those who read the Bible this lab is the size of Noah’s Ark.) This Lab was stuffed to it’s maximum capacity and there was barely any safe walk ways to cross this room. Out of curiosity he ran a scan for who made all this stuff and to his surprisec he found out that HE made 95% of all the items in that room. In the center of the room he found the chief scientist working on his time machine module and practicing a long string of threats he would give to Durfurehr. Some where during the constant stream of threats Dr. Rainier accidently scared the scientist by saying, “You hate your employer this much?”
“You startled me and yes I do.”
“Why?”
“He used my fear of heights to force me to do this project, he threatened to do something a thousand times worse if I don’t finish it within 6 months, not to mention I saw him throw your son Charlie into a gold wall with enough force to crack the wall, then as if that wasn’t enough he threw your son and three others down 3,000 feet of steps all of this happened in less than 30 minutes!”
“Tell you what, you destroy this module and come work for me, this offer stands for anyone else who is afraid of Durfurhr.”
“What will I get if I work for you?”
“I will give a 450% increase in your paycheck, 30% increase in your retirement benifits, 65% increase in health benifits, 45% increase of dental benifits, some gym benifits, free massage and physical therapy when you need it, free tickets to any sport, free use of the company’s vehicles with a chauffeur, a place to live with high quality robots to do your bidding, 30% shorter hours, and finally paid vacations of length negotiable. I will offer the same to any of Durfurhr’s staff that will want to work for me.”
“ This seems to good to be true, I mean your talking about 19 trillion credits per person.”
“Compared to the value of my definition of a human’s safety and happiness the money I will be paying is but a millionth of 1% of what I’m willing to pay for those values. How ever if any one does not meet my company’s standards they will be dismissed from my company.”
“I’ll sleep on it and consult with my genius of a wife.”
When the chief scientist got home he greeted his wife of which today was their 35th anniversary and they went in their most formal attire to their favorite restaurant: The Sea Shell. When they got to the Sea Shell and when they got their seats ( which had thousands of sea shells over the top of the table.) After looking at their menu’s that the waitress gave them the pair finally ordered a blackend tuna and salmon costing about 98 credits. While waiting/eating thier food the topic of a job under Dr. Rainier came up. “And those were all the benifits he promised me.”
“It would be a dream come true if I knew for certain that the man was honest for honest men are hard to come by… then again if he promises not to bully you around and he was honest I would if I were you work for this man regardless of the benifits.”
“Thank you, and I will tell Dr. Rainier that I would very much take the job offer.”
“Only if is honest, and I love you1”
“Love you too, baby and I will put him in his own lying dector to find out!”
“Don’t be rough on the old fello’”
“ I won’t and happy anniversary”
After he said that they went home and went to bed. The next morning The chief scientist said to Dr. Rainier “ My wife says even if you didn’t offer those benifits that if you were honeest and promised not to beat me up by using my fear of heights than I should work for you
On the day the scientist accepted Dr. Rainier’s job offer back in time in the city of Atlantis in the year 9400 B.C.E a tall and mighty prophet of the Lord walked up the golden steps to the chamber of the ten kings (which is off limits to civilians.) Once at the top he ingored the guards and walked straight to the twin set of granite doors and by a Power unseen by mortal eyes he swung the door open and accidently squashed the guards on the other side of the door! Having opening the door he promptly shut it and strod forth to the ten kings on jade floor. As soon as he reached the Ten Kings they said, “ We knowst thy message now how about one of those fancy tricks ye call “signs.”
“Only a wicked generation asks for a sign and as for thy sign ye ask for ye shall have it, 5 years from now a nation from the futute shall came to Atlantis and their arrival shall be like an avalanche upon a mountain side.” The prophet said, “Their arrival shall be the destruction of Atlantis if the people do not repent.”
“ And, what if thy citizens of the great city of Atlantis do this so called ‘repent.’”
“Then thy nation from the future shall come and Atlantis shall not be destroyed.”
“Thou hast been preaching to thy great city of Atlantis ye must ‘repent or be destroyed’ for 135 years old man, just givein to the fact that Atlantis will never be destroyed nomatter what ye say.”
“The Almighty sees that the Dark one has your hearts and minds clouded with the mist and chains of sin and misery and the Almighty will suffer these bindings no more!”
“I have heard enough of your lies and foolish traditions and now I will give you a prophecy of mine own: Ye shall be executed at first light or Karam the God of light shall have mine head.” As soon as the king said this prophecy the other kings and queens of Atlantis voted in the affirmative.
The prophet said with a broad smile “So it shall be written, so it shall be done. Another thing your majesties, five years from now a man from the future named Durfurhr will come and steal most of your gold and will try to assassinate all of ye, but will only succed on assassinating two kings and a queen. I bid thee to have a good night and see you on the execution stand, your majesties.”
At sunrise there knelt the prophet in fervant prayer with his head over the block and the executioner standing next to him waiting for all the kings, queens, and citizens of Atlantis to show up. When every one came a king of Atlantis gave the executioner the infamous head nod to do his dirty work. The executioner got ready and made the swing. An instant before the blade reached his neck a bright light surrounded the prophet. When the sword hit the light it was thrown out of the executioner’s mighty grip. The sword went flying toward the king who made the prophecy. A second later the king’s head was chopped off. The king’s prophecy was fulfilled.
The prophet stood up and said, “ Let thy king’s death be an example to ye I saith again repent or be destroyed!”
“By whom?” said a person the crowd
The prophet decided to use something they were familiar with, “Five years from now Vishka the Goddess of fire will entice Kentra the god of water. Who will in turn anger Kuru the God of earth into making a coorinated assault on Atlantis. Once the prophet said this the citizens ran to the priests to tell them the bad news leaving the prophet and the 9 kings and queens of Atlantis. The royalty looked at their dead high king and were stirred to anger. All the kings and queens drew out obsidian blades or steel swords and attacked the prophet. The fight seemed to be with the royalty despite the prophet being bigger, stronger, and faster than any of the kings or queens. Another pro that the prophet had was the power of the Almighty God to aid him. At the end of the conflict the prophet had many deep cuts and some very nasty gashes all over his body, while the royalty of Atlantis were put into a very long comas that were initiated by the prophet’s hand.
After resting for awhile, the prophet pulled out two transparent stones connected by a bow and looked into the and saw Dr. Rainier with his new employees

“Dr. Rainier, I was wondering according to your reckoning when will we be done with this project now that Durfurhr and the president have opened their treasuries to you.” said an employee
“Well, if I was doing it alone then I would expect it to be done in fifty years minimum. But with all the hours all of you give plus myself I would estimate five years if nothing goes wrong.”
“OK, I’ll go tell the other emplyees…Oh I forgot Durfurhr says he’ll only give you money if you’ll let him be on the team that goes back in time.”
“Tell him I’ll grant him his request if he doesn’t beat any of the other team members.”
Four years and 11 months went by with out accident and not much detail execpt every one pitched in 18 hour work days on their own free will. In November Dr. Rainier started picking people for the expedition. To Durdurhr’s enragement he was picked as a ‘security guard’
“Hey, you are on the team like I promised you.”
“Fine, but I expected better!”
In all 500 people were selected and recieved their positions with better emotions than Durfurhr.
The ‘fruit of their labor’ looked exactly like the module execpt this one was 23,000 cubic feet.
On the day of their departure Dr. Rainier came by and said he had an old friend that had to give them encouragement. “I’ve known Dr. Rainier since I was five years old and now we rival Methuselah at nine hundred and sixty eight years. For those who don’t know me I am the prophet Adam J. Tomson of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints.” He went on to tell us of the trials of his day, and of the trials we may find on our trip through time. He said there was very likely inanimate objects made by the adversary that copied anything which was good and rightous, and that there were likely people who had the power of the adversary, but claimed they had the power of God. He advised us that if we meet such people we should seek out the prophet of the time and follow his direction. It sounded like nonsense to Durfurhr but said nothing of how he felt. The prophet finished off by saying he had a strong unshaking testimony of the savior and wished us good luck and to stick to the faith. After the 5 hour talk by the prophet or as Durfurhr called him ‘the demon of insanity and nonsense’ they went to the ajoining room and to the time machine. While Dr. Rainier turned on the time machine the expedition said good bye to family and friends ( the only people allowed in the same room as the time machine.) After their good byes they packed their equipment and stepped through the PORTAL and into the time machine. Just before they left Dr. Rainier gave each of them a paste that they were supposed to put on their eyes, ears, and in their mouths saying the paste depending on where it was could translate any language. Dr. Rainier then walked to the control panel and pushed a button and the past button and PORTAL rings surrounded the time machine and with a glowing flash that led upward the time machine was gone. While they were traveling through time all 500 poeple within the time machine got shocked with a sorta green electricity and fell to the floor and they started growing till the smallest expedition member was at least 9 feet tall and Durfurhr who started out at 9 feet grew till he was 13 feet tall. The shock did more than made them taller but also stronger and faster…though they didn’t know about the other two assets till later. The expedition stepped out of the time machine and into a forested area as soon as the last person stepped out the time machine vanished with th PORTAL. Dr. Rainier had once said that the time machine was not a boomerang and always went to a new location and stayed there till found again but that location was always in the immediate vicinity so they were not worried. The commander barked the order to put the pste in their mouths, ears, and eyes and immediately after a sharp sting the paste blended completly into the body parts that they put the paste in. The commander then barked the all to well known order: let’s move out! With that order we went in a northern direction untill we found a city. The city had twelve rings of water and land, jungles , towering temples to many gods and goddess, The city was very big and strecthed to as far as the eye could see and maybe even farther, Thousands of people scurried about on their daily business. We past a sign saying that the city we saw was the city of Altlantis.
The nerd in our company came forth and told us all he knew on Atlantis. Atlantis stood 9,000 years before Plato, he began, The city was symetrical, that it was a gate way to the other Isands, and that it was bigger than Libya and Asia minor put together. It’s rule went as far as Egypt and Tyrrhenia, and he finished by saying, Atlantis was/is “in front of the pillars of Hercules” which he said could easily be translated into the Strait of Gilbrator. As the company walked to the gates of Atlantis they were stoped by some guards first they asked were our origins were but we couldn’t phrase it correctly with out them thinking we were demons from the Goddess Nimkon- goddess of chaos and of the underworld. After that, the guards told us that no one can go in or out of the city from dusk to dawn for their own safety. This of course got Durfurhr really mad and before any one could stop him all 150 guards fell over… dead. After the fight Durfurhr said he never hit so hard on any thing or as quickly as when he did so during the fight. With that the company walked through the gates and into Atlantis. After the company got into Atlantis a wealthy Shinovian asked the company if they had some where to stay for the night.
“No, we do not.”
“ Then you can stay in my house.”
“Why?”
“Let’s just say you don’t want to meet some of the citizens after sun down.”
“ Do you have room?”
“ Yes, infact I have more than enough room.”
Thirty minutes later they arrived at the Shenovian’s house or rather a mansion the size of two or three white houses. Around 10:00 a couple hundred thousand men came to the shenovian’s house fully armed and surrounded the entire house hould even climbing the walls. A shout came “Where are the men and women in strange clothing that you brought into your household and bring them out here that we may know them. If you refuse then we will slay them and destroy your possesions.”
“If what Durfurhr said was true that he could hit harder and faster than before we time travled then we can take these bullies and if it seems to go poorly we can shoot them down”
“ All right, you Hobos’ come in here and we’ll give you a treat you’ll never forget!”
The person who said the first threat said to the crowd if a couple hundred thousand, “Charge.”
Through out the night and well into the next day punches were made, arrows flew, bullets mowed down the mob, only to be accopanied by explosions made by missles. Or as the mob called it ‘ fierce flying fiery serpants with minds of their own’.
When the battle was over the soldiers of Atlantis came but their assistance was not needed out of the five hundred only thirty died and many were either minorly injured or severly injured. Of the mob fifty were alive and of that most of them were injured or on their death beds. When the soldiers saw the devistation they were convinced that they were a fulfillment of a prophecy and thought they needed rest so the company came along. Just before they left the commander told the shinovian thank you and asked what his name was.
“My name is Mathala”
The soldiers escortedevery one exect Durfurhr to temple of the unknown living God. When we got there we saw a peculiar sight… the wall looked like a living rainbow. When some one asked the guard said it protects the temple from the sins of Atlantis. When they were in the temple a tall and mighty man came up to them and he was dressed in a coarse clothing with a sword on his waist and two white stones connected to a bow on which it connected to him by a chain on his neck. The man said, “I know you!”
“You must be mistaken” said the commander.
“ Well, let me introduce myself again. I am Adam J Tomson prophet of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints.”
“I must of heard you incorrectly,” said the commander.
“Fine, ask me any question you want.”
“Alright, who was your mom and dad?”
“Chase and Janna Tomson.”
“Where were you born?”
“Jamnagar, India.”
“ When were you born?”
“2004 A.D.”
“How many people are in your faith in 2972?”
“ An amazing 6 billion people , but that’s only a tenth of the people that inhabit earth and neiboring planets.”
“Last question,” said the commander, “ what was the farthest planet earth has occupied?”
“Pluto.”
“Good enough for me.”
“ If you will kindly enter into the temple I will answer any remaining questions plus I will give you food and drink. Oh I forgot in this period of time wine is better for you than water because wine doesn’t have a nasty bacteria that can kill you with in a couple days.” Before they entered the commander ordered some of his men if they could plant scientific instruments where ever they chose. In the end several instruments were put into some volcanoes and the rest were buried. Once inside Adam told them that he came from the future even beyond them and in that time earth was at war with Atlantis and was severly losing. He continued that there were no terrorist and that Earth and its collonies united themselves into the Planetary Alliance, but they were still losing. I convinced Dr. Rainier to make another time machine and he started to do so. While he was working on the time machine the Atlanteans found out and confiscated the time machine, but they took over the building construction and made some minor changes like a technolgical change to be 100% accurate in place and time. Through the power of God I managed to get inside their lair and got to the time machine and came to Atlantis in the year 9540 B.C in other words a 140 years before you did and I have been stranded here since.
“How were you stranded?”
“ As soon as I exited the time machine it destroyed itself.”
“As a matter of intrest, how big is Atlantis?”
“Going at a gallop from the palace to the outer most wall of the city it is a month’s ride.”
“Where is the palace?”
“ The exact center of Atlantis.”
At that moment a temple guard came to the prophet and announced that the kings and queens of Atlantis wanted to see the company. The moon was rising when the company exited the temple to go to the palace of the ten kings.

Meanwhile ontop of another palace Durfurhr stood on the roof fully armed with a rochet launcher on his back and a MSl9000 laser rifle/machine gun in his hand and he was cloaked from head to toe with cyber armor. Mathala told Durfurhr of two kings and a queen who never went to council meetings because of their age or lack of intrest or had more important things on their minds. Mathala asked him to, “set there affairs in the correct direction” and after that Durfurhr could take what ever he wanted from their treasuries as a reward. Obviously Durfurhr consented but he wanted to do it in reverse take the money and then set their affairs in the right direction. With that he jumped from the roof, fell a couple hundred yards, did a flip, and landed as gingerly as a feather in the court yard.
After he landed he went in a south eastern direction until he found as Mathala “a tower with multiple guards and a stone dwarf which marked the treasurie. He boldly waked up to the guards and before they knew what happend they were all simultaneously seared in the chest and they were all dead. He walked through the door making an outline where he had trespassed and into the treasurie. Once in side the treasurie he grabbed a small rectangle and pressed a button making it elongate to whatever size he desired. After it was the size he wanted he pressed another button making a bag under the rectangle. Shortly afterwards, he pressed another button making a sorta field over the bag- this field took out all the empty space between the atoms of whatever object that was put into the bag. Once he was done pushing buttons he saw around the room and took every thing in sight filling 1/4 of the bag. After he emptied the treasurie of all its treasure he moved to the keep of the palace and into his bedroom. Durfurhr creeped next to the king’s bed and set his gun to vaporize and fired at the king’s head. The shot was not audible and left no blood in the conflict.

The company walked into the palace of the ten kings when an aristocrat came up to the company, he gave us a very long and glaring look. His eyes fell upon the prophet. The aristocrat’s eyes seemed to give off a cold enough look to of freeze an erupting volcanoe’s lava.
The Aristocrat said, “Prophet of the non existent God,
you are not welcome here.”
“By the decree of great King Kumar all citizens that enter the palace unwelcomed by the kings or queens are sentenced to living death,” quoted the prophet. “I am welcomed here by the King of Kings, the high king of the earth and of the heavens, The king of Peace and the creator of all righteousness
“You do not fit this decree. Therefor you will be executed.”
“The last 5,999 times you Atlanteans tried to execute me. Failed quite miserably.”
“Our records show us that the executions failed 5,998 times.”
“Did you count the time when you personally tied me to a primitve rocket and tried to blast me out of this world and on the descent I was impailed on spire at the top of this palace?”
“No, we did not.”
“That is number 5,999. Now let us through.”
With that the company stepped through the court yard and into the opening of the palace. The company decided to spread out and just go about their business while the prophet and the commander went to the santuary of the ten kings and queens. As soon as the prophet and the commander entered the santuary a long sounding, base trumpet sounded along with many gongs, and other instruments all sounding in a very dramatic tone. The prophet expanied that the Atlanteans did this when ever a king or queen died. The instruments sounded again and yet again a moment later. Three kings or queens had just died. Then a shrill high pitch trumpet sounded. The prophet explained this meant the culprit had been caught. The commander was wondering who did it, but the matter of the kings and queens outweighed this thought.

Durfurhr was in the room of his last victim. He pulled the trigger. The queen’s head was vaporized. He was about to leave when in came the guards from ‘prophet nonsense’. A fight broke out. The guards were naturally as quick as he was… even with the cyber armor! Surprisingly they were just as strong as Durfurhr with his cyber armor on. The guards had the advanage of numbers, While Durfurhr had the advantage of suppressed anger… and no lack of it!
The fight raged on with no inclination of slowing down, untill they reached a pillar. When they reached the pillar a priest of Kuru came from his bed to see what was the all the commotion. From the priest’s perch he saw one of the guards was sent flying into a wall and it came falling down on the gaurd. His friend had died. In the priest’s rage he cast a spell of capture and aimed it at the person who was covered in a strange armor. The man who had just killed his life long friend. The spell hit Durfurhr in an arm and to Durfurhr’s amazement it went through the pillar and his arm was stuck in a dimond pillar! Another spell hit his other arm and the same thing happend! Yet another spell came and trapped his legs. There was no way out.
“How did you match my speed and strength?”
“There’s a scripture in your time called D&C section 89 verse 18-20, ‘And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obediance to the commandments shall recieve health in their navel and marrow in their bones. And shall find wisdom and great tresures of knowledge, even hidden tresures. And shall run and not be weary and shall walk and not faint.’ Does that answer your question?”
“I’m not religious, but yes it does.”

The prophet of the Lord came up to Durfurhr in his diamond prison and said, “ Hello again, Durfurhr.”
“What are you talking about?” “ How did you know my name?” “What is that thing around your neck?” “Who made it?” “ I want what ever that is.”
“I am saying that I spoke to your company before you left to come here to Atlantis. I know your name because of the urim and thummom which is the item around my neck told me so. As for who made it, it was made by God himself. No you can’t because there won’t be another one for at least 5000 years.”
“O.k, what are you going to do?”
“Set you free, if you have the faith .”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I think I do.”
“Do you belive God can set you free?”
“According to your religion He made the heavens and the earth so in that sense, yes I think he can.”
“ Then you shall be free. Demons of posession and confinment I banish thee from this man in the name of Jesus Christ the redeemer and creator of the heavens and the earth.” To Durfurhr’s amazement his arms and legs were sliding out of the pillar and soon he was on his knees finally free from confinement. Before he hit the floor he felt like he really wanted to pummel the old man till he was lying on the floor… dead, but as soon as Durfurhr hit the ground he couldn’t get himself to hit the old man instead he said “thank you.”
“Because of your faith you have been freed by the power of the almighty God. Go and sin no more.” Durfurhr ingorned the prophet and left. After that, they all left before the palace guards came. When the palace guards came they were very wroth when they saw no one there and summoned a couple priests. The priests were very wroth and puzzled. After they examined the pillar they were sure that a spell of confinement had been cast. The only way out of a spell of confinement, was if some one on the outside manually released him with some tools. That didn’t seem to be the case, in this case it looked like some magic or power released the prisoner. After the palace guards and the priests left, Durfurhr went back to Mathala’s house and demanded his payment… half of all Mathala’s house. Mathala refused. His head was vaporized. Durfurhr took all of Mathala’s house instead. He immediatly he began to ‘know’ the daughters of Mathala. After he got to ‘know’ the daughters of Mathala he went out of the house hold and went to the palace of the ten kings where he saw the commander. More precisely a marketplace. The commander and Durfurhr got into an argument. That argument quickly got into a fist fight. During the fist fight Durfurhr activated his cyber armor and killed his commander. Before he died the commander called for his men. Twenty came…The reason is that most of the company got stabbed when they got to ‘know’ the town. Mainly the women. Or they got drunk. The twenty seeing their commander dead and the culprit standing next to him immediately began to fire their weaponry. The twenty were to slow for their blasts never touched Durfurhr because of the additional speed his armor gave him. Instead of hitting their intended target the Gold floors were melted, the mighty jade walls became a pile of dust, lebony stalls became broken beyond repair, and expensive merchantdice in utter ruin. To add to the confusion people, slaves, soldiers, priests stealing merchandice, running, giving threats, and fighting each other. In the midst of the confusion Durfurhr stole the twenty’s weapons and ripped apart all but one which he kept. With this weapon he shot the remainder of his party save five for he coudn’t find them. During the confusion The Temple Guards came and fought Durfurhr and bound him after knocking him senseless… Since it was a federal crime Durfurhr was taken to kings and queens of Atlantis to be judged according to the law. After many days in prison guarded and bound while being tried by the stuck up aristocrats according to their law and found him guilty and worthy of death by execution. The date was set for the next day at dawn. When dawn came Durfurhr was attached to a wagon by a chain to his neck and was taken to the execution square. Once he reached the square he was force to put his head down on the plat form. The excutioner raised his mighty dread sword above his head and made the imfamous curve to chop off Durfurhr’s head. Just before the sword made contact a shadow surrounded Durfurhr but unlike the light the shadow did nothing to stop the sword and Durfurhr’s head rolled away from his body. The mighty villain of the 30th century lost his life.

Written by Atlantis

The latest from Baron Somebody.

(Note: I had to re-size some images to maker them fit, so all apologies if they are a but hard to read) – Admin

Many times as I am looking for images in posts, I find some awesome pictures that will never make the site. So, I’ve decided to add this new section named “Gallery”. I won’t commit to any frequency with the posts in this section. I sometimes go weeks without finding anything good, and then other times, I find dozens of great images.

You’ll also see some familiar images here as some of the work found here will have been used in a post for a battle.

I don’t know why, but when I saw this image, I immediately thought of Diana…

Hey Ya! David back here again to tell you all What Grinds My Gears.

1. The Playstation 3

Fuck Sony for doing everything that makes the Xbox and the Wii unique to themselves. Lets see, who first did integrated memory? Xbox. Who first did WORKING motion sensors and games that work with it? The Nintendo Wii. Who tries to put it all in one and say they came up with it all? Playstation. Ok Boys and girls, on three. YAY PLAYSTATION!!! ( Unoriginal fags )

2. The NZ military

I cannot believe I am saying this……………..we suck balls. Our Air force sucks, Our navy isn’t much better, buuuuuuut at least our main infantry is equal to one or even two US Rangers. NZ currently has no offensive aircraft ( ok, if you put a MG on a helicopter, it sorta counts ) But I will say this, at LEAST we have a weapon that can take on Leopard tanks, Abrams etc etc. Thank god for Javelin Missiles. And our navy. We don’t even have a single destroyer, Air carrier, Subs, and the like. I feel so venerable…

3. The crazy frog.

Just….Fucking….Die…….. Enough….Said….

4. People at the McDonalds Drive thru.

Why do people insist on yelling at the drive through. Ya know, all those idiots that HAVE to yell. Its annoying. But with all this modern technology, I would be there with my funny headset, ” Hi. Welcome to McDonalds, can I take you order”, only to be meet with some drunken idiot yelling ” WHAT CUNT!!!” at the top of his voice. Jesus, manners these days.

“Excuse me…Chewbacca? I’m Bleeding from the ears here man, lets just calm down. Ok we sell food, not missiles here Sapper…..NOW DRIVE AROUND!!! ”

But I would rather have people yell, then when they don’t talk loud enough at all. That drives me crazy. You know, like ten cars out there, I would be all like ” Welcome to McDonalds ,can I take your Order?”

(High pitched voice) ” mhmmmhm pickles……….add them pickles……Large triple sake with the pickles…….and the largest……with the pickles…….”

” Um Ma’am can I take your order”

” And large triple shakes…..Add the pickles….. and the pickles….. and the pickles…”

” Ok Ma’am apparently you want some pickles”

My Life at McD’s when I was younger…..scary.

5. The Mark 19

It has a replacement!!!! Finally!!!! And it looks cool too!

Trouble is, its barrel operation looks a little….suggestive….

Thats me for a while. Thanks for reading….

Looks like we ruffled some feathers over at NewGrounds. Click here to see this post where they say “Factpile – Biggest Effing Douches” (opens new window).

I’m sure not all of their readers feel that way, but there are a few over there who don’t think too highly of the ‘Pile.

I guess we must be doing something right, eh?