Hey fellow factpilers. David here. You may remember from posts such as the ” Death of a King ” , ” The FarCry 2 Medical Handbook ” and most recently ” The War on Expert“. Well “Expert” has struck again at the general population (and at my story too, the cheeky bastard). So here I am, yet again trying to deal with this madness and the huge pile of “Issues” that he claims plague Factpile. Well, I better get to it. Expert regurgitated this mess up on the pure white carpet which is factpile, so now, I have got to hide or get rid of this stain, sort of like the one on your bed that you don’t want your mother to find out about. Or is that just me?

Anyway onto dissect some of his more worthy points of view. So without further ado (Because I am sort of losing your attention here) Take it away, myself.

“Who suggests some of these stupid battles? I mean come on. To the Admins credit he diligently filters through this trash and finds images and gets these post ready for everyone. Any man who takes the time to put together a post on Malcolm Reynolds & Jayne Cobbs Vs Han Solo & Chewbacca deserves a lot of credit. Then on top of that to have all of these people who don’t know a thing about what they are auguring about on here really sucks. Maybe we should do a Martha Stewart vs Master Chief at baking for gods sake. I’m sure everyone of you sheep would love to talk about that… These people don’t stop there they really truly believe a game that sucks as bad as Kill Zone is better then Halo 3. Halo is what helped get this website on even your radar”

First things first. On factpile, one would not expect people to know everything, ever. As a result, people tend to discuss and defend characters, situations etc that they have knowledge of. Looking at your above example “Malcolm Reynolds & Jayne Cobbs Vs Han Solo & Chewbacca”, I do not know who Jayne Cobbs or Malcom Reynolds are, therefore I would spring to the defence of Han Solo and Chewbacca simply because I am familiar with those characters, their weaknesses, strengths as well as limitations. This allows me to reply far more easily about what actions they would take in a specific situation. When it comes to wondering who would suggest some of these “stupid” battles, it is usually noted on the thread in question who suggested it. So if you would be so kind as to take approximately two seconds to read through the introduction of the thread, you would know exactly who had come up with the idea which would answer your question. Oh and I am not quite sure whether you in all your infinite wisdom would be able to truly define what is stupid. Also if you are going to complain about stupid people, you may wish to reconsider your exact medium of getting your ideas heard. Complaining about retards on the internet, is like complaining about bullets hurting. We already know and to be honest, it is quite frankly getting old. By the way, Master Chief would kick Martha Stewart’s wrinkly old arse in a baking competition. And I would pay to see it on the Food Channel. Who wouldn’t?

“With all of the power I wield around here I could easily delete anyone off this site but I haven’t.
I have however been pressing the Admin if he wants me to come here more often he should allow me to be full judge over these battles. I of course would take every one of your opinions into account and then determine the rightful winner of these battles. Other then the Admin who is probably biased towards the people who are commenting. Doing this will probably help make this a way better website. And no I can not be bribed into letting someone win vs another for those who might think that don’t even bother.”

Somehow I doubt that after this you will be able to exterminate all opposition to your ideals (and If I stop posting in the next few weeks, blame Expert). And bias towards people based on previous postings actually sounds like a good idea because otherwise a post like “STFU D00D, MC WOOD KIK DARF VADAS ASS COZ MC IS KEWL !001100!!010″ being held in the same regard as “Darth Vader would obviously have the edge in close combat but his lack of ranged attacks and armour would leave him open to ranged weaponry” (For all intents and purposes,this is an example. Any similarities to actual events and persons are purely coincidental). This would occur if you became almighty judge of all, as you would create your own bias towards certain users over time (cough, me, cough). Also, why would anybody want to bribe you to claim victory in a online debate about fictional things. We all are not like you who needs to get money from bribes to be truly happy.

“So yes I will save everyone here and help put a end to some of the problems. But I can only solve one issue around here at a time. Not everyone can be saved and a lot of you won’t make it….On another note what ever happened to that stupid story that someone was writing about me destroy everyone here? Oh yeah that’s right it got shelved because it sucked.”

“So yes I will save everyone here……Not everyone can be saved”
That was an extremely obvious contradiction my dear Expert. Seems as if your understanding of the English Language fails a bit. Did I say a bit? I mean a lot. A lot of fail. This is just the thing that is preventing you from making sense as well as proving that you are not the saviour of factpile that you act as though you are. All of a sudden I feel a lot less secure as a factpiler simply because my saviour doesn’t know what the FUCK he is doing!

I have been holding all the bile back throughout all of this and I am about to let the dams flow out now. Good job for posting how much factpile is horrible on FACTPILE you fanboy twat. Seriously, you may as well walk into a synagogue dressed like Hitler and ask if you can borrow some gas.

Yours sincerely. (Wait, what the hell did I say)?

Most of Factpile
And David.

Oh and PS

On another note what ever happened to that stupid story that someone was writing about me destroy everyone here?

Oh, what, you mean the War On Expert? Most of the people who read it said it was good. Which is a lot more then they can say about you. So……../pulls finger.

Jog on!