The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey – And why I won’t see it despite being a fan.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey - And why I won't see it despite being a fan.

Let me say this first to get it out of the way.

I HATE HOBBITS.

Ever since we saw Frodo and his barefoot friends at the Shire, I despised them. I am thinking it comes from a hatred for ewoks – you know, cute little fuzzy things that can somehow defeat mechanical devices 100 times stronger and more sophisticated than them. See (The Stormtrooper Fallacy: Endor).

So, in the “first” Trilogy (Why do I see a disturbing pattern here that follows Star Wars? You know, first 3 released were excellent, next three were the studio cashing in…)

We at least get to see humans and Dwarves. Here is the thing about Dwarves. While one could argue that they are similar to Hobbits, At least Dwarves kick ass in fighting, are tough and provide value to their world. What do hobbits do? Sing? Tell stories? I think I hate Bards too, come to think of it…

So while I have a huge amount of respect for Peter King for what he did for the original Lord of the Rings Trilogy, I think this “Hobbit Journey” will be more hours of yet another group of annoying hobbits avoiding battle and singing songs bout it.

Despite their small stature, they are the heroes in Tolkien’s world. Not humans, Elves, Dragons, or Dwarves. Fucking Hobbits.

So while 99% of me doesn’t want to see this movie because of the focus on the Hobbits, the 1% of me wants to go back to that fantastic world of Middle Earth. Just seeing the locations and how they transform New Zealand into a fantasy realm. I also know that a lot of people will see it, and as part of my “geek cred” I feel OBLIGATED to go see it.

At least if I do it will give me more to complain about. Also, if I go in with a negative attitude, I might get pleasantly surprised. Not counting on it, but you never know, right?

I know this movie will easily make 300 million dollars and my only hope is that trilogy will inspire some other fantasy writers to tell us more about characters who actually do something instead of stumble about, hide from every fight yet have the fate of the world in their hands.

And, here’s a SEVEN MINUTE TRAILER that essentially sums it up. Now I don’t need to see the movie, since it’s all here, and we won’t get resolution until the third movie anyways.

I think this clip from Clerks 2 about sums it up for me:

So readers, are you going to see this next set of frolicking hobbits?

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51 Comments on "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey – And why I won’t see it despite being a fan."

  1. The Imperator December 3, 2012 at 9:54 am -      #1

    Yes, I will see it, because I love the book and would like to see how Peter Jackson interprets it.

  2. GuardianAngel1911 with Mjolnir and the Odinsword December 3, 2012 at 9:57 am -      #2

    I’ll see it.
    Also there’s only one Hobbit in the group this time, the rest are dwarves, though this gives me an idea for something…

  3. Praetor Prefect (I Wear a Fez Now. Fezzes are Cool) December 3, 2012 at 10:05 am -      #3

    Seems like your problem may be with Tolkien and not the movie itself. I’m still waiting for a Silmarillion movie (have some real badassss.

  4. GuardianAngel1911 with Mjolnir and the Odinsword December 3, 2012 at 10:08 am -      #4

    @Praetor
    now that would be a good movie.

  5. Dr. Doctor (with Lowk's Jetpack) December 3, 2012 at 10:10 am -      #5

    They’re making an entire trilogy based off of this? Wow, that’s somewhat surprising. I wasn’t planning on seeing it, but that’s more because I am not that much of a movie-going person at all. I am somewhat tired, however, of all these damned stupid commercials about it.
    =
    “The new Hobbit menu at Denny’s.”
    “They’re basing a whole movie off of it!”
    *everyone in the room happens to be a character, and then two Gandalfs are sitting at one table*
    =
    Seriously, wtf.

  6. Praetor Prefect (I Wear a Fez Now. Fezzes are Cool) December 3, 2012 at 10:17 am -      #6

    @GA1911
    Take like 8 movies to do it. So many characters have unique stories, and the book takes place over millennia!

  7. GuardianAngel1911 with Mjolnir and the Odinsword December 3, 2012 at 10:21 am -      #7

    @Praetor
    you say it like that would stop them from cashing in.

  8. Praetor Prefect (I Wear a Fez Now. Fezzes are Cool) December 3, 2012 at 10:24 am -      #8

    @GA
    I’m trying to encourage them!

  9. Gluttonous-Behemoth December 3, 2012 at 10:31 am -      #9

    Peter King? Heh.
    -
    I share your concerns, and many of your opinions on Hobbit-kind.
    -
    But that is the funny thing about Bilbo-at first, he is a Well Respected and esteemed man (which meant he was one of the most timid and obtuse Hobbit in the whole of the Shire; yet by the end of it all, he’s playing word games with the great Worm Smaug and stealing prized possessions from a mentally-unstable group of Dwarves for the greater good.
    -
    Yes, he’s perfectly hopeless at first, what with the debacle with Cockney trolls and getting lost in caves. But his “Took’s nature”, his innate sense of courage almost always shines through, even when he actually tries to ignore it.
    -
    I think Tolkien intended us to see the great deal of contrast between Baggins of Bag-End, and Bilbo Barrel Rider-Luckwinner-Ring Finder Baggins the Burglar. Gandalf himself even admonishes the dwarves when they express dismay at Bilbo’s “wetness” and pretty much foreshadows that he will save their collective asses on more occasions than one. Gandalf saw the potential in Bilbo, and when we finally see his true measure, we are meant to blink and ask ourselves how we are supposed to call this guy a Hobbit?
    -
    This is the same with all of the Fellowship’s halflings. Sam the Gardener? Meriadoc and Peregrin Took the Fools? Hell, even Frodo all commit extreme acts of bravery and loyalty, and though they did less sword-swinging than the others, their deeds might be more impressive for the very reason that you hate them. Hobbits are by nature peaceable creatures accustomed to a quiet and prosperous life, and that the lot of them managed to accomplish the relatively small things that they did, makes it all the more admirable.
    -
    That’s just the Genius of Tolkien; if he’d wanted buckets of machismo and rivers of blood and nothing else, he could have waited for Richard Rahl to be created. He made characters that predominantly fought, yes, but he also built in personas that didn’t thirst for the blood of a thousand enemies, that didn’t enjoy bashing skulls, that for all honest statements, didn’t want to be there. Yet in spite of this fear they stick to it out of loyalty and perhaps some sense of honorable duty, and that I say is a better role model than the guy who Scourges the Backs of a Million Heathens to start his day.
    -
    In virtually all respects, the mild and timid Baggins ends up actually doing More than the company of Beer Glugging, head butting, kad’amp-ah-tramp Dwarves, and certainly has better manners when going about it.
    -
    Thusly, I trust Jackson to execute this film into a satisfiable product. Am I dissapointed in a number of ways with what I’ve seen? Aye, but I’m too big a fan of the book to let such triflings bar me. If its terrible? Well, I get to lament my misfortune as potently as if it were the Burning of the Westfold.
    -
    But! Until that time, I will see that film with an open countenance, for better or worse, they will be getting my eight bucks.

  10. GuardianAngel1911 with Mjolnir and the Odinsword December 3, 2012 at 10:39 am -      #10

    Well said G-B

  11. Praetor Prefect (I Wear a Fez Now. Fezzes are Cool) December 3, 2012 at 10:45 am -      #11

    Well said indeed. We needed more Tom Bombadil in LOTR.

  12. andrew December 3, 2012 at 11:19 am -      #12

    whilst i am convinced beyond room for reasonable doubt that jackson will ruin my childhood with this trilogy (and dont even get me started on why it evidently needed to be a trilogy) i am going to watch it. i am pretty certain i will even enjoy it, until i leave the theatre and then realisation will set in.
    -
    that said admin; “I think this “Hobbit Journey” will be more hours of yet another group of annoying hobbits avoiding battle and singing songs bout it.”?
    -
    seriously man, there is one hobbit, and he gets plenty stabbity at points.

  13. PrimusxPilus December 3, 2012 at 11:36 am -      #13

    Tom Bombadil FTW!

  14. Dr. Rockso December 3, 2012 at 2:07 pm -      #14

    @praetor
    while silmarillion seems like it might be a good movie, it takes place across thousands of years, so youd either need a LOOOOOOOOOOTTT of movies, or buttfuck the storyline, so i highly doubt that it will ever happen, or, if it did happen, it would not live up to expectations

  15. Wolfangel December 3, 2012 at 3:00 pm -      #15

    Im going to watch the relese for my birthday (Not world) at the weta workshop movie thetre (DAMMM YOU DISLEXYA)

  16. The One Above All December 3, 2012 at 3:02 pm -      #16

    This hatred for hobbits and ewoks gives me a idea.
    How about Ewoks Vs Hobbits?

  17. Wolfangel December 3, 2012 at 3:10 pm -      #17

    Uh i forget to check the notify buttton

    uhh hi

  18. Private Khaos December 3, 2012 at 3:21 pm -      #18

    I’ve seen the movies first and never read the books. I have a thing where I prefer reading the books then seeing the movie but if I see the movie first I feel like it ruins it for me if I read the books because the outcomes are the same so I know what’s gonna happen. Anyways gonna see the movie because I liked the movies.

  19. sgtNACHO December 3, 2012 at 3:50 pm -      #19

    “How about Ewoks Vs Hobbits?”
    -
    Ewoks win, the Hobbits are overly peaceful and were enslaved rather easily at the end of RotK, the only thing that saved them was the war hardened veterans returning and leading them.
    -
    The Ewoks beat stormtroopers, sure it makes no sense, but they were smart enough to engage a military force that spans the galaxy and defeat them.
    -
    Hobbits have no fighting skills, Ewoks have catapults, can make traps with trees, fly, and know how to use spears and slings. Not to mention their animal senses will keep them from being surprise attacked, especially by the undisciplined, loudmouthed, untrained Hobbits.
    -
    As far as the movie goes? I haven’t read the book, but i know little bits and pieces, so i think I’m going to thoroughly enjoy it. I will certainly be going to see it.

  20. StealthRanger December 3, 2012 at 5:28 pm -      #20

    This semi sounds like Expert writing this fsr…
    -
    Anyways I look forward to this movie seeing as I enjoyed the first 3 films
    -
    “I’m still waiting for a Silmarillion movie”
    -
    Oh god that would be epic

  21. Epicazeroth December 3, 2012 at 5:43 pm -      #21

    @post 5: He’s making 2 Hobbit movies, and one for the Appendices of the books.
    -
    @Silmarillion movie people: Maybe one story for each “storyline”. One for the beginning, one for Feanor’s story, one for Beren & Luthien, one for Turin, etc.
    -
    @SR: “This semi sounds like Expert writing this”
    No, really?!

  22. Wolfangel December 3, 2012 at 6:38 pm -      #22

    @Epicazeroth acctualy sir peater jackson is making 3 hobbit movies

  23. Epicazeroth December 3, 2012 at 8:32 pm -      #23

    Won’t he run out of time? I thought the film rights expire like next year.

  24. Wolfangel December 3, 2012 at 8:34 pm -      #24

    For the first movie he would has the rights for 3 movies

  25. Marcel December 3, 2012 at 8:37 pm -      #25

    3 hobbit movies? What the heck! LotR was the bigger story BY FAR, and only got three movies! If it’s gonna be 3 movies, then they had better stay true to the book, and they had DARN WELL BETTER make a Silmarillion series!!!

  26. Epicazeroth December 3, 2012 at 8:38 pm -      #26

    Sorry for double post, but also, a Silmarillion movie will never happen. Christopher Tolkien is too uptight. He hates everything Tolkien that wasn’t made by his father.

  27. Wolfangel December 3, 2012 at 8:39 pm -      #27

    @marcel well a coupple of things saying 3 is the contract with weta workshops for 3 movies worth of sculpting and props

    and yeah i hope that it will be true to the BOOK

    yeah living in new zealand is good

  28. Epicazeroth December 3, 2012 at 8:40 pm -      #28

    Now it’s a double post, and now I’m sorry. LotR actually had 6 movies in the extended edition (which I have, so I can’t know what the original, 3 movie one was like.)

  29. Marcel December 3, 2012 at 8:47 pm -      #29

    “Sorry for double post, but also, a Silmarillion movie will never happen. Christopher Tolkien is too uptight. He hates everything Tolkien that wasn’t made by his father.”
    -
    But the Silmarillion was Tolkien’s last work! It was posthumously edited and published by Christopher, if my memory serves me right.
    -
    @ Wolfangel
    -
    U REALLY live in New Zealand? Man, I have been wanting to go there for a looooooooong time…sigh…a little jealous of ur spot on the globe, tbh…
    Maybe when I get some dough and can make my own movies…long term dream.

  30. Epicazeroth December 3, 2012 at 8:50 pm -      #30

    But John Ronald Reuel still wrote the Silmarillion.

  31. Wolfangel December 3, 2012 at 8:53 pm -      #31

    @marcel

    Yep i live in the small town of pamerstone north about 200km north of wellington

    Well i kinda hate how americans say we are part of australia (that is the worst insult you can tell a kiwi) so i say im going to the capital of the usa Toronto
    so much rage comes

    I hope you can get some money to acheve your dream

    =D

  32. ka-tet19 December 3, 2012 at 10:02 pm -      #32

    the fact that they are making three movies out of it makes me think “ah hell this will be about making money and not staying true to the book” kinda how they cut the entire don’t let evil set in theme out of the movies

  33. Epicazeroth December 4, 2012 at 10:39 am -      #33

    @ka-tet: How’d they do that? I don’t remember them getting rid of that message. At least not blatantly.

  34. Marcel December 4, 2012 at 12:16 pm -      #34

    “Well i kinda hate how americans say we are part of australia (that is the worst insult you can tell a kiwi) so i say im going to the capital of the usa Toronto”
    -
    Well, remind me not to ever bring that up, lol. As for the Toronto thing, I actually find that funny cuz I’m Canadian.
    -
    “I hope you can get some money to acheve your dream
    =D”
    -
    Thx, man. Everybody’s gotta have a long-term dream, know wut I’m saying?

  35. Expert December 6, 2012 at 2:50 pm -      #35

    Nope I didn’t write this one. The Admin just has terrible taste in movies at times. He nitpicks over one little thing that makes absolutely no sense. Hobbits are just a race in a universe. The new movies will be just fine and I am sure they will be very entertaining much more so then 90% of other movies out there. I saw stop your complaining and enjoy a good story and movie. I tend to believe that if millions upon millions love a story then its probably at least a decent or even good story.

    I’m also not sure if this is suppose to be a pre movie review or just a stupid rant. Let’s just rant.. Oh there is this great story and I’m not gonna go see it because there are little people in it. no sense whatsoever. I hope the next sent of star war movies brings the ewoks back. In fact I hope ewoks become a huge thing for disney and they just blow up the entire market with them and then all your kids want ewoks for christmas.. In fact I’m gonna go order you a stuffed ewok for christmas.. its on its way… your welcome.

    Anyways I believe this post just reveals the Admins hidden fear for little people… Either way even though I am both a fan of star wars and lord of the rings. I love that scene from clerks 2. Its fucking great…

    Winner: Not me.. just wasted 5 minutes of my life reading this.

  36. Aelfinn December 6, 2012 at 7:43 pm -      #36

    “Winner: Not me.. just wasted 5 minutes of my life reading this.”
    -
    Never thought I’d see the day…

  37. Epicazeroth December 6, 2012 at 7:57 pm -      #37

    *cough*
    -
    Sorry, I think whoever woke me up overdid it on the smelling salts.

  38. Expert December 7, 2012 at 3:19 pm -      #38

    I just bought these for the Admin for Christmas. I hope he likes them… Everyone on factpile should make sure they send him a extra pair in case they were out fast on him..

    www.thinkgeek.com/product/ee7f/?pfm=Carousel_FurrySlippersDeal_1

  39. Marcel December 7, 2012 at 3:22 pm -      #39

    Those are HILARIOUS.

  40. Praetor Prefect (I Wear a Fez Now. Fezzes are Cool) December 7, 2012 at 3:36 pm -      #40

    I’d buy those. And for once, I agree with Expert. My god…

  41. The Expert December 7, 2012 at 3:41 pm -      #41

    WE WORSHIP HIM!

  42. Praetor Prefect (I Wear a Fez Now. Fezzes are Cool) December 7, 2012 at 3:44 pm -      #42

    No, I meant oh my god. Don’t be such a sheep.

  43. BC December 8, 2012 at 4:09 am -      #43

    “ the fact that they are making three movies out of it makes me think “ah hell this will be about making money and not staying true to the book” kinda how they cut the entire don’t let evil set in theme out of the movies “
    -
    While they may or may not remain true to the book, it is possible to get three movies out of it since movies are actually such a small percentage of a book normally. Either they have to skip around and take little bits of everything or follow one or maybe two threads in a complex book. The movie Airport was actually only about two chapters’ worth of the book (as the title suggests the main plot of the book was actually the airport, not the plane like it is in the movie which was an important subplot, but subplot nonetheless) in fair detail along with little snippets of some of the other threads for example. Another example is that the second X-Men movie was an adaption of a single “jumbo” issue of the comic (it was the issue “God loves, man kills”) and did not go into much if any more depth than the comic did, both were about the same “length”. Even with Tolkien’s habit of going off on odd historical tangents taking up a lot of room in the book there is enough left for three movies if carefully done to keep from boring the audience, especially if an interesting way can be found to present some of the historical and sociological stuff for part of the movies. The hardest part would be coming up with the two intermediate “endings” without it looking trite and forced like the old Batman semi-serial series on one hand (same hobbit time! Same hobbit station!) or ending it on enough of a cliff hanger to make people want to come back on the other.
    -
    Hobbits are actually a kind of ‘sleeper’ race that look harmless (and in this case actually are unless you piss them off enough) but are actually a lot more competent than they look on the surface. In one of the Ring trilogy books the horse people remember the Hobbits as being rather remarkable before they settled down in their oldest stories. Unlike the dwarves they are not stoic tough front line fighters when it comes to unavoidable war, they are by instinct sneaky implacable commandos that work by assassination, traps, sabotage, and shoot-and-scoot ambush. Even when they are not trying to be sneaky they have something about them that makes people tend to overlook them which helps in that too. In peacetime they are simply as zealously and completely civilized as they are nasty pragmatic no holds barred fighters when war is thrust upon them and they decide to fight. In some ways that flip-flop makes them the perfect soldiers; they fight from the shadows like homicidal psychopaths and spook the hell out of the enemy but settle down into perfect citizens when it is all over. It is the confusion before they make that reluctant decision that made them easy to take at first.
    -
    Ewoks are slightly similar in that they are small and look harmless when they are really nastier than they look, but are at best a kind of pale imitation of the Hobbits.
    -

  44. Wolfangel December 16, 2012 at 4:11 am -      #44

    Everyone i have just seen the hobbit well its just breath taking here is some main points
    1) its cgi and 48FPS is breath taking
    2)it is faithful from what i remember to the book
    3) the props!!!… weta workshops worked their f*cking masterpeice asses to make the amasing
    4) the pacing (part from the first 30-45 minutes) is paced well fast in combat like the dwarfs fighting the goblins to escape them is fast and furious while in rivendale its slow and luxurious supported with 5
    5) The music… appropriate for every sence… END OF DISSCUTION

    to me the only thing that let me down was the first 30-45 minutes that let me down if it wasnt for that it would be 10/10 not 9/10

    I AM WOLFANGEL PROBEBLY THE FIRST FACTPILER TO WATCH THE HOBBIT AND I RECCOMEND THIS MOVIE TO EVERYONE APART FROM PEOPLE WHO CANNOT BE CONVINCED TO WATCH IT

    — All hail the moon sized pizza— and sir peater jackson

  45. Praetor Prefect (I Wear a Stetson now. Stetsons are cool) December 17, 2012 at 8:51 am -      #45

    Bilbo was pretty badass and the Riddles in the Dark scene was amazing. I liked that they included the backstory of the reclaiming of Moria by the Dwarves. They even had Radaghast the Brown. It didn’t only focus on Bilbo, it shared the plot equally with the Dwarves. Over all it was better than I had expected.

  46. Gluttonous-Behemoth December 17, 2012 at 9:08 am -      #46

    @Praetor
    Indeed. I thought about writing an in depth review and sending it to Admin to see if he might post it as follow up to this thread.
    -
    But, ain’t got no time for that right now, and by the time I get back, it will probably be redundant for me to do so.
    -
    Perhaps you might try your hand at it, seeing as you have a number of points to work with. I’m sure people could benefit from a positive review of the film.

    -
    Erebor in its prime was pretty awesome looking.

  47. Praetor Prefect (I Wear a Stetson now. Stetsons are cool) December 17, 2012 at 9:24 am -      #47

    I am no writer of reviews, my good man. I would do it if I were you. And yes, I really did like the expanding of dwarven culture and architecture/crafting. Their weapons and armor were unique in the series of movies so far.

  48. Epicazeroth December 23, 2012 at 12:11 pm -      #48

    I saw it yesterday, and here are my thoughts:
    1) It was amazing
    2) Great CGI (with the exception of Azog, the Eagles, and sort of Smaug)
    3) Great sets, even with his 48fps making things look faker.
    4) Azog looked weird.
    5) Yes! They had Radagast.
    6) They left out a bunch of scenes, and inserted some too (Azog should be dead, etc.), which leads me to 7.
    7) WTF!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?! They left out Tom Bombadil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  49. itcheyness December 23, 2012 at 12:39 pm -      #49

    Tom Bombadil was in Fellowship of the Ring, not the Hobbit…

  50. andrew December 24, 2012 at 2:17 am -      #50

    well. i watched it.

    as i predicted, i found that i could enjoy it.

    but only if i ignored the fact it was supposed to be an adaptation.

    radagast was butchered; high speed rabbits are the province of monty python, not jrr tolkien. what he was supposed to be was a venerable, capable semi-divine character whose primary concern was the flora and fauna of middle earth. what we got was a pot addled dr. who covered in birdshit.

    the other added stuff; story wise i can countenance it; the attack on dol guldur does afterall happen at the same time as the quest for erebor, and they have an effect on each other and the war of the ring. the *way* it was done, however, infuriates me. the dwarves are explicitly stated by balin to “not be warriors” in bag end, and yet even bombur (the obese one) can pull of the jedi combat moves when escaping goblintown…which leads me to the action scenes. too many of them, and they were too constant. most of them were there simply to pad out the movie length.

    because god forbid jackson make a movie too much less than three hours long. seriously, the guy cannot edit for dick. remove the warg fight before rivendell, remove the 40 minutes of prologue, and par down the goblintown bullshit, and you would have a two hour movie that was well paced, and managed a decent balance between fast and slow. hell, maybe we couldve gotten some actual characterisation here and there beyond “grumble grumble thorin mumble”…



    …all that said (and there is more besides that i could complain about, but ive vented enough for now methinks) the music was well done, and where the poetry from the book was used, it was, in my opinion, used very, very well indeed.
    -
    apart from that silly pop song at the end credits anyway.

  51. andrew December 24, 2012 at 2:22 am -      #51

    oh-and because i forgot what has become my personal refrain for how bad jackson is at editing, ima go ahead and doublepost.
    -
    the hobbit will be the first book to movie adaptation where it will take you longer to watch the movies than it would to read the book.

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