Published on February 5, 2012, by admin - Posted in Duels 335
Brought to you by Murder
In one of the most absurd matches to ever get posted, here we have an English Bulldog facing off the Death Star from Star Wars.
Can a Death Star destroy this creature if everyone on board saw him?
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Well, this could turn out to be a tough fight. I’m going to reserve my judgement until I get more information on the bulldog.
What the hell is this?
Death Star perhaps.
Not everyone on board is a dog person, I’m pretty sure there is a cat lover in there somewhere.
…I hope we’re getting another match today on top of this abomination… Its just screaming for a huge list of pointless off-topic discussion.
Death Star no contest, I know from first-hand experience that Bulldogs, especially young ones, can’t even take a tire iron to the head without getting all wobbly.
… Am I dead?
I buried my face so far into my palms that they cam out covered in blood.
Here, let me help you.
Alright I’ve done some research and this is going to be closer than I thought. A few facts on the Bulldog:
- The average bite force of a bulldog varies from 160 and 210 lbs per square inch.
-Average weight is between 50-60 pounds and they can sprint upwards of 7mph for over thirty seconds!
They were bred to bring down bulls and bears, making them the most dangerous creature of Planet Earth, an M-class world orbiting a single yellow star in the Orion sector.
Now that the facts are out we have to figure out if:
A) The durasteel on a DS can withstand a bite from this beast?
B) The DS can withstand a ramming attack
C) The DS has any bears or bulls on board to defend against boarding actions.
I’ll look into the Death Star more so we can get some concrete answers.
Stop, just stop. Please.
I know Stormtroopers are horrible shots, but I don’t think they’ll hesitate to tear a dog apart especially if one of their own gets bitten.
I feel like this match makes the Aircraft Carrier vs Spanish Armada look legit.
If the bulldog’s only defense is how cute it is? it’s dead.
You know at one point I used to wonder why the veterans left the site. Not anymore.
I’m guessing murder payed for this…
“bulls on board to defend against boarding actions.”
Wouldn’t the bulldog just herd them to the nearest corral?
We may have a new champion for the biggest stomp match (defeating Mc vs Superman).
Yea, you guys are right. I apologize, after looking into it more, it seems this was a stomp. The Death Star just doesn’t stand chance.
A) DS has no bears or bulls on board!!
B) Durasteel can be bent by having a storm trooper walk into it, so therefore it will fail miserably against the bite of such a powerful beast.
C) DS has no engines except the ones that were added by third parties decades later to explain how it moves, so it cannot withstand the force of a Bulldog ramming attack.
D) No entity on the planet could kill that puppy.
I really thought the DS would stand a better shot but I guess I just got too excited. I’ll try harder to find quality matches guys =(
I will now go out, grab a machete, and start hacking everything I see.
I will see you all in ten minutes.
Fuck you Murder. You are trolling with these matches…. I thought we’d straightened you out.
And Admin…. WHY U POST THIS?!?! did he freaking pay for this?!?!
Of course I paid him. I’ve got this whole site bought out. I’m the evil mobster that is here to destroy everything you love, and as long as I have cash to burn you will respect your betters. Lest we get a Bieber vs. Aaron Carter match going.
Seriously? Why the hell does he have two A’s? Is that suppose to be ‘unique’?
How is Aaron usually spelled? I thought 2 As was common for that name.
I know Erin is out there, but that seems more feminine.
Yes, Aaron is the commonly accepted way to spell it only because it’s a Hebrew name from the bible, but what rules says that two A’s is needed? And for that matter why are there two U’s in vacuum and other names with redundant characters?
Dunno, still not a “unique” attempt by Carter. Lame name in general maybe.
So then you pick Aaron for the win?
I’m not all too familiar with their music. If you mean a fight, probably him then just due to age.
Bulldog eats the beam and farts back out destroying the death star.
bulldog for FP award
Laharl I’ve been trying to explain Lockjaw to these noobs but they just fail to get it.
” Of course I paid him. I’ve got this whole site bought out. I’m the evil mobster that is here to destroy everything you love, and as long as I have cash to burn you will respect your betters. Lest we get a Bieber vs. Aaron Carter match going.”
Hey Eric, we have rules on this site and if you want to go off topic and distract from the people who actually enjoy civilized conversations you need to do it PM.
I’m sorry for that guys, some people just don’t know how to act on the internet.
We get plenty of mismatches without paid ones so I don’t see why it’s a big problem.
That said the deathstar never really stood a chance.
“Laharl I’ve been trying to explain Lockjaw to these noobs but they just fail to get it.”
silly rabbit proof is for kids
So adults can make shit up and everyone has to believe it? Politics- here I come!
” Hey Eric, we have rules on this site and if you want to go off topic and distract from the people who actually enjoy civilized conversations you need to do it PM.”
Nope, I’ll just do it here.
” I’m sorry for that guys, some people just don’t know how to act on the internet.”
The internet is full of cyber bullies and cyber hard-asses. To quote Siggy (briefly summarized): Have an e-issue? Here’s an e-tissue.
Lol murder good post, it’s nice to have a fun match up once in a while, that said I do expect a legit match to be posted later . What happened to all the warhammer 40k ones, I WANT WARHAMMER 40K BACK!!!
” I WANT WARHAMMER 40K BACK”
40k is a disgusting habit.
@ Crimson, I posted the Rambo vs Snake so that I could have a fun match. But some nerds just hate to have fun.
It boggles my mind everytime I look at that damn dog fighting the Death Star that other people are not rolling over laughing. LOOK AT HIM!
What the fuck FactPile?
” It boggles my mind everytime I look at that damn dog fighting the Death Star that other people are not rolling over laughing. LOOK AT HIM!”
It boggles my mind that you’re either the worst troll of all time (but think you’re being funny), or the dumbest person of all time. Either way, you lose.
“40k is a disgusting habit.”
Be that as it may, compared to this… I’d take a rehash of Superman x Goku over this waste of bandwidth. Mistacool included.
@Eric, you lose in life. Nobody likes you and your tough attitude is as fake as your mother’s love for you. Maybe you should do the world a favor, and wash your mouth out with buckshot.
Try to troll me.
I’d take Potter vs Haseo over this match, any day of the week, but no doubt THAT MATCH will be poorly-managed and/or horribly-conducted. >.>’
Percy Jackson vs WindWaker/Phantom Hourglass!-Link on the other hand has a chance to be well-managed, at least, right?
“Try to troll me.”
Fuck you Murder. If i could, I would reach through my computer, grab you by the throat, and architect 30 levels of pain all over your candy ass. What you have been doing is retarded in every sense of the word. You are a disgrace to Factpile. Whats more, you can’t seem to tell that we hate your matches. Yet you continue to insist on posting them. When will you learn, you disgusting human. Nobody is amused by this. NOONE. Why don’t you crawl I’m a hole and get butthurt by a deer.
How was that guys? He gave the challenge. I say we ALL accept it.
Look, even Admin says it’s fucking idiotic….
” @Eric, you lose in life. Nobody likes you and your tough attitude is as fake as your mother’s love for you. Maybe you should do the world a favor, and wash your mouth out with buckshot.”
Fighting fire with fire. Just like a said, the internet is full of cyber bullies and cyber hard-asses. Thank you for reaffirming my assertions. If you truly were the better man, you would have let me flame. But instead, you went with insults.
” Look, even Admin says it’s fucking idiotic….”
Admin, don’t feel obligated to post this retards matches because he paid. I just say ban his sorry trolling ass for a few weeks.
@Captain and Eric
Would you believe me if I said I used to be a flamer a few years ago before I came here?
What Kenny C said. What. The. Fuck.
Then let the match begin!
Well, Xeno, since you start by attacking me then I would welcome it. Since I have no information to go on for who you are, I’ll assume you are some highschool emo child who has an unhealthy obsession with dragons. You say my matches suck but then maybe you shouldn’t make straight stomps like a fucking fairy dragon vs the ultimate Metroid villain. On the internet you get to act like the big shot on campus but in real life you probably sit in your room and use your tears to jerk off wondering why no girl finds your back acne attractive. BTW, Purple dragons are for fags.
@Eric- You are went out of your way to attack me and then try to reassert yourself as the victim? That’s starting a fight then backing off when you realize your opponent isn’t some little kid you can push around. That makes you the bully. While you were at Trine University playing Modern Warfare with your buddies I was on my third trip to the middle east dodging 7.62 giving you spineless punks another opportunity to live in the skins of men that died living a life worth more than you will ever be able to repay. If I want to sit back and see a puppy fight a deathstar and pay my money for, by god I’ll do it because I’ve spilt blood for that freedom. When any of you have contributed anything to the lifestyle that you live then you can talk shit, until then you are just another spoiled kid that has no idea what is sacrificed for you.
By any chance, you have a factpiletopia account?
I think the bulldog has a legit chance. Assuming everyone on the Death Star has been drinking. And is now hung over as fuck and can’t do shit about the dog.
” Would you believe me if I said I used to be a flamer a few years ago before I came here?”
Everybody’s flamed before. Doesn’t mean we can’t fight them.
Don’t take it so seriously, it made me laugh when i saw it and it clearly isn’t meant to be taken seriously.
” Don’t take it so seriously, it made me laugh when i saw it and it clearly isn’t meant to be taken seriously”
I didn’t at first, until Murder started trolling. Then I took offense.
What in fuck’s name is this shit? Admin though my Red & Blue vs Edward & Jacob match was wierd and yet he posts…….this….abomonation? This could have ONLY been paid for. Either that or this site is slowly degrading into Spacebattles and OBD.
Seriously though, this is retarded in 7 different shades.
True enough, but personally I have a Greek Fire-breathing FlameThrower in my backyard, and I am hoping to Stonehedge’s holy Ruins I don’t have to bust it out, anytime soon(Ideally I won’t have to bust it out, at all!)
The time for flaming could happen again to me, right?
this is dumb the deathstar could destroy a planet it ould not have trouble with a dog even if everyone saw it they would still blow it up anakin and obiwan were like brothers and vader easily killed him without a second thought and if any one disagreed with vader he would force choke them also what could the dog do to the deathstar
The first only sentence out of your mouth, Eric. Where this match was meant to be tongue-in-check you jumped at the opportunity to attack someone with no other explanation. In my world, the first response to an aggressive front is to respond to with due force. Maybe instead of jumping to a base emotion of hate you should have saw it as opportunity to relax and have fun with your peers like Laharl. If you are incapable of taking one day off from a match-up on Fileplanet, maybe you should seek help before someone like me does something to you that you cant write off.
They’re all drunk, duh! xD
Of course we’re drunk, its super bowl eve. Now somebody better give that goddamn puppy a compliment!
As I pointed out in post 54, I didn’t at first. But then you started trolling and spewing BS.
” Now somebody better give that goddamn puppy a compliment!”
It looks ugly as shit, just like every other bulldog out there.
Maybe you should watch this Eric: youtu.be/9gspElv1yvc
People like you are the ones that make concentration camps and throw animals off bridges. Just because your uncle touched you in bad places and your mom put cigarettes out on your arms doesn’t mean you cant overcome your issues.
So Ramona Flowers vs Moka Akashiya, then?
Again, nothing but a troll. God bless Factpile. I’ll leave him to you.
“So Ramona Flowers vs Moka Akashiya, ”
moka wins with out trying and ends it saying “know your place”
I vote to have this thread removed in all its absurdity.
I knew paid vs debates was going to be bullshit.
Kill him NZ…. You are our troll to fight the trolls……..
Call purple dragons stupid……..
You’re gonna die….
You know what the saddest thing in life is? Paying money to piss people off over the internet. Oh wait…
What is this? I don’t even…
“Of course we’re drunk, its super bowl eve. Now somebody better give that goddamn puppy a compliment!”
It looks like my sister!
This did just not happen…
Always wanted to say that.
“Kill him NZ…. You are our troll to fight the trolls……..”
Right, which is all you see me as. Just some idiotic douchebag troll who’s only of any use whatsoever when I’m insulting other trolls.
Negative is our anti-troll along with Stealth.
Admin, can we remove paid matches? They bring forth bullshit like this steaming pile of crap.
@Soldier’s Shadow – Until FactPile has enough sponsorships or financial support to pay for its hosting, I am always going to be looking at multiple ways to monetize the site to cover those costs.
“@Soldier’s Shadow – Until FactPile has enough sponsorships or financial support to pay for its hosting, I am always going to be looking at multiple ways to monetize the site to cover those costs.”
-Then can you add a rule to it? Or something?
That out of the way, this is clearly a stomp. EBP for the FP.
Why a bull dog? You could have picked a celebrity we all hate at least Murder.
Admin, when I suggest a battle, do I need to add a picture of both combatants, or do I just need to suggest them?
If it’s paid for what’s the beef? Even if he’s trolling it’s still helping the site lol. Productive trolling.
You can put links to the pictures you want in the request, usually (in my case at least) Admin puts the pictures you suggest.
I thought my match wasn’t going to be suggested for a moment just because I didn’t include pictures.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………why………………..just…………………..why? Here I thought I’d seen the the greatest absurd stomp match FactPile would ever lower itself to allow to be posted………then this piece of pointless crap came falling from the sky. It’s a sad sad day…
You sure the match would end so quickly?
Didn’t they have a Scott Pilgrim trailer that makes sense with Rosario + Vampire, where Moka is in Ramona’s position and all that jazz(as the Mystery girl?)
You are the Drill Sargent who will drill us to fight trolls!
You are also the bottom trope, as well.
You are far from alone in this, either.
@Alpha or Omega – You don’t need to include any images. However, if you do, that greatly increases the chances of your match getting made.
All right, thanks for telling me.
Would the match be instantly much better, if the Bulldog could even howl Fus Ro Dah?
Heck, really if anything the Joke is on Murder. He’s giving away his money, and if he wants to do something like that, let him. We should just ignore him and hope he keeps pouring resources into your cache.
We sort of miss you on there, as of late.
this match could still be bulldog vs starwars(theme) and have the bulldog win…… i.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/6/4/2/35642.jpg?v=1 making it a legitimate match. oh well.
hasn’t admin stated to having so many dante matches it would take him a a couple months to put them all up if he put one up a day? and we get this…
Why is that?
Obvious troll is obvious.
How much would the collective fact pile members have to pay to ban Murder from the sight… That should be enough to cover costs for like 3 years
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