Suggested by Zervziel
This match was just too tempting to pass up considering my Avatar Movie Review I had earlier this month.
It’s a rematch between Quaritch and Jake. Jake gets his avatar and Quaritch gets a proper mech this time, a 100 ton Atlas from Battletech.
Jake gets to tag-team with Neytiri as last time.
Who wins?
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A Battle mech? Why would you want to handicap Quaritch with a puny mech?
Just give him a knife and an Elephant sized jock strap and just watch the fireworks fly.
Kiss Jake’s ass goodbye because Quaritch is going to gut him like a fish.
Quartich wins this easily only reason Jake won in the movie was because of the tiger like creature
…. why? Does someone have a vendetta against Sully? Seriously… a freaking Atlas of all Battlemechs as well. I’m all for rematches but an Atlas would have been enough to destroy the entire Na’Vi culture on it’s own.
” Atlas would have been enough to destroy the entire Na’Vi culture on it’s own.”
which is only fitting, spoils go to the victor after all, and destroying the entire Na’Vi species would be a nice follow up for the colonel.
Quaritch doesn’t need a freakin Atlas. This is how the final battle should have ended.
Quaritch gathers every particle of his power, focuses it into a mighty bolt of pure force, more coherent than a laser, more destructive than an exploding sun. He aims it at Sully, a lance of power destined for the traitor’s heart. Sully senses the upsurge of energy and turns to face the colonel, a look of horror on his face. Quaritch lets fly. It strikes the Avatar. Sully dies, his body and soul utterly obliterated.
A furious, teary-eyed Neytiri enters the scene, unleashing arrow after arrow. Quaritch turns his burning gaze on the pathetic female Na’vi. Neytiri’s flesh flakes away to reveal her skeleton, then even that is gone, reduced to dust.
Quaritch teleports to the Tree of Souls and delivers righteous human judgment to all those blue cat monkeys while drinking a nice refreshing cup of coffee. The end.
well, he could trip…
Whoa….. anyone having flashbacks of Kharn vs Xena?
Not really. Any reason why?
@Locutus: lol, since when was miles the God Emperor of Man
Also, an ATLAS, holy crap!! This is about as one sided as a space marine vs a pair of retarded pigeons.
” This is about as one sided as a space marine vs a pair of retarded pigeons.”
- Lolz. Give the space marine an heavy bolter – just for the hell of it.
“- Lolz. Give the space marine an heavy bolter – just for the hell of it.”
A SM wouldn’t waste the valuable ammo.
I don’t know now a pair of retarded pigeons could take on a space marine after all those pigeon retard strength
Well actually it wouldn’t be fair for the lone space marine.
He should get a squad of terminators.
Even then, the retarded pigeons could win-if they have a plot shield.
That would be interesting.
Anyone care to give an explanation on how a space marine and a squad of terminators could lose to plot shielded retarded pigeons ?
Because these pigeons are no normal pigeons they are the Keanu Reeves pigeons. They are the hope for all of pigeon kind against the evil space marines
“Anyone care to give an explanation on how a space marine and a squad of terminators could lose to plot shielded retarded pigeons ?”
The pigeoons run straight through the squad, causing the SM’s to accidently shoot themselves. The last marine is taken out when he pull out a grenade, pulls the pin, and it explodes immediately.
Plot device Mr. Frodo, plot device
I felt giving one of the ultimate badasses an equally badass machine. Anyone even remotly linked to Battletech or Mechwarrior knows of the Atlas’s ass kicking capabilities. hell in it’s respective universe, the mere sight of an Atlas made veteran warriors breakout in hives.
Personally, I wanted to see what happened if you sent Jake and Neytiri against what is effectively badass squared. I mean Quaritch is one of those guys who could wear pink bunny slippers, a tutu and and bunny ears and still come across as a complete badass. So discuss! And stop talking about pigeons and space marines.
Dude…. this is one-sided to the tenth power…. I mean…. your taking bows and arrows (with one admittedly powerful beast) against something that tanks guass rounds.
There is no fight. There is only the sound of the LRM’s lock on system sighting the two smurfs and then the sound of those very LRMs truning them into vapor.
There us inly one option!…..RUN!!!
That won’t work either I’m afraid.
“I felt giving one of the ultimate badasses an equally badass machine. Anyone even remotly linked to Battletech or Mechwarrior knows of the Atlas’s ass kicking capabilities. hell in it’s respective universe, the mere sight of an Atlas made veteran warriors breakout in hives.
Personally, I wanted to see what happened if you sent Jake and Neytiri against what is effectively badass squared. I mean Quaritch is one of those guys who could wear pink bunny slippers, a tutu and and bunny ears and still come across as a complete badass. So discuss! And stop talking about pigeons and space marines.”
But… but,,, an Atlas? I like defending the underdogs and coming up with ways they could win in an absolutely hopeless scenario…. but an Atlas? There really isn’t anything they could do, at all, ever, short of getting a hold of a nuke and setting it to detonate right when they die, and even then I’m not totally convinced that would be enough, Atlas’ are tough as all hell.
I guess I’ve developed a sense of dislike for the Na’vi and was one of those people who wanted the movie to end with the tree-blowing-up scene…that being said, without the convenient use of plot device, there is no way this match would even be a match.
I would like to describe what I wanted to happen but Locotus’ post just perfected any attempt I would have made…that description just had me breathless and had that happened to the actual movie I would’ve taken pride in giving a standing ovation while the rest of the people who wanted to see a “good” ending leave in disappointment
” This is about as one sided as a space marine vs a pair of retarded pigeons.”
More like A Space Marine vs one retarded pigeon who has TB and aids. He wouldn’t want to shoot it with a bolter; he might get that blood on his armor.
“More like A Space Marine vs one retarded pigeon who has TB and aids. He wouldn’t want to shoot it with a bolter; he might get that blood on his armor.”
To think a Space Marine being killed by AIDS. That would be funny.
“To think a Space Marine being killed by AIDS. That would be funny.”
- Highly unlikely considering their genetic make-up and physical enhancements….. but it would be funny to see the look on the Battle-Brother’s face.
Doctor – “…. Well…. you have AIDS.”
Marine – “………………………………………………………………………..”
Doctor – “……. have you been having……. more than professional relations with yuor Battle – Brothers?”
Marine – “………………………………………………….”
Doctor – “…….. get a little carried away on shore-leave?”
Marine – /snaps doctor’s neck, proceeds to volunteer for the next suicide mission, and hopes to die in said mission./
I think he got it from you Kenny
“- Highly unlikely considering their genetic make-up and physical enhancements…..”
The Space Marine would probably beat the AIDS to death. I don’t know how he would do it, but being what he is, he will find a way…
Jesus, could you guys knock it off with the off-topic posts? Seriously, if you want to talk about Space Marines beating AIDs, request it and discuss it there.
My, my. Quaritch seems to have developed quite a following here on Factpile.
tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MemeticBadass
” I think he got it from you Kenny”
- Actually I heard your mother would be waiting on the docks for the SM’s to pull in…. she needed the money.
@ Zervziel
Ummmmmm…. the match is already over… so we have pretty much free reign to discuss AIDs and there effects on Space Marines.
@ Kenny C.
That’s what the forums are for. Don’t derail a match just because you want to act goofy.
@ Z
And……… so? The match is over, there can be no derailing when the fucking track ended two miles ago. Its not like this thread isgoing to get any attention in a week or so, might as well use the space.
I’m personally biased against the whole movie of Avatar because I’m a war-mongering, militant, totalitarianist, industrualist who loves the sciences and technology more than I love my own family but here I go…
Colonel Quaritch is so manly that he is the thing spawned from Chuck Norris, Mr. T, King Leonidas, and Duke Nukem being present in a room at the same time. Needless to say; the room and the surrounding 7 miles of land were destroyed and replaced with a barren wasteland of testosterone pools.
Colonel Quartich; you are the true hero of Avatar! Thus, he wins.
does the colonel even know how to drive an atlas if he doesnt than it could give the na’vi some time to…..do something
@ cyborg
Colonel Badass would win by falling asleep. His head would hit the Atlas’s control panel, and activate the LRM lauchers, which would then lock on to those smurfs…… and you can guess the rest.
“I’m personally biased against the whole movie of Avatar because I’m a war-mongering, militant, totalitarianist, industrualist who loves the sciences and technology more than I love my own family”
Hooah!!!
“Colonel Badass would win by falling asleep. His head would hit the Atlas’s control panel, and activate the LRM lauchers, which would then lock on to those smurfs…… and you can guess the rest.”
That’s a pretty good point. Hell, the Atlas might win this even if it just falls over, crushing them.
Someone mentioned that this match was kinda one-sided. I must say, would my other match of Jake as Toruk Makto vs Quaritch on Deathwing have been any better?
I have no idea as to what Turok can do.
Kenny, in the movie Toruk Makto refers to the 5 dudes who were able to ride the bigass red dragon thing. That is one point I’ll give to Avatar, the creatures were kinda cool.
As for Turok, he’d probably just knife everything (dinos to flying alien lizards isn’t too far a leap)
Just give the blue guys some of Clan’s elemental armor one that is built for them it will make the fight more interesting
fully arm elemental armors
Tarlison, it wouldn’t matter as the Na’vi wouldn’t know how to operate them as well as the Elemental Power Armor would be too small for them.