Hey everybody, David here. Its been a while since my last article on the fact-to-the-pile. In this article, I’m going to tell you of a few things that really grind my gears, starting with……
1. Swiss cheese.
Ok. This is one of the things that seems so stupid I can’t believe it. What’s so special about swiss cheese? Because it has holes in it. So like what, I could get a block of some nice edam cheese, get my Dad’s power drill, and drill some holes in it, take it to a party and everyone would be like,” Oh David, you must have spent a fortune on getting that swiss cheese. Oh your so good with food David, would you like to take me on a date David, etc, etc.
Now by using this logic, on my mates 17 birthday party, I gave him a pair of my old socks, ( clean by the way, I’m not that sick ) that had all these holes in them. And he said to me ” David, these socks are shit”. And I said “No they’re not, they’re swiss socks. Very high quality”.
2. Halo fan boys.
OMG liek he totally PWNED ALL US GUYZ !!1. WTF HE MUST BE A HAXOR. QICK LETS SPLAZHOR HEIM. LIEK, GOGOGOGO. OMFG HE KILLZ ME AGAIN<1.
omg i <3 hALO, iT R SOO KOOOL.
Right, I think I speak for everyone when I say, WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU SAY??? Anybody who goes to such lengths to speak like this over X Box live is either plain retarded or is reeeeealy high.
Now I could expect five year olds to speak like that when they play a really fun game, we all did that when we were young ( Yes you too admin, I remember what games you played in those days wink wink, nudge nudge , say no more, say no more) and hey, five year olds are allowed to get excited over that stuff. Its called over-stimulation. Which leads me to my next question. Are the fan boys five year olds? The pitch of their voices makes me believe so. So high and squeaky. It hurts my ears.
3. Idiot group leaders
Ahhh this brings me to a time when I was in the scouts. We were all learning about cooking on gas cookers. Suddenly some idiot knock over a lit cooker, the plate comes off, and the whole thing is spurting flames everywhere. And get this, a leader tries to put it out WITH HIS FOOT!! Yes everybody, lets hear it for leader intelligence. So while the group leader is kicking this thing around, I had to rush into the closest building, nab off with some dudes fire extinguisher, run back, and blasted the fire with some weird white powder. I also got a heap on the leader as well for good measure. After the fire was out, and the leader had cleaned himself up he says to me ” Who told you to do that”? Now this is the guy who had been kicking the canister. Canisters explode when they are on fire. So I said to him ” Who taught you that kicking an alight gas cooker was a good idea”?
4. Emos
These people are sad about living. Are they though? Do they love life and all of its values? Or do they act like Emos as a cry for attention from the world. Do they conform? No. Do they love life? Hard to tell. Do they sparkle in the dark. Yes. Do they have big teeth and ” Vant to suck your blood”? Yes. Do they contribute to half the deaths of extreme goths and cute fluffy bunnies and the career of actors around the world? Yes. Oh wait that Edward Cullen. Which brings me to my next thing that grinds my gears..
5. Twilight.
ARRRRHGHHHH. Its a series about some normal chick who finds out that her boyfriend is a vampire and ” Vants to suck her bloooood”. But can’t because he loves her so much. We all know he thirsts for blood, so heres and idea. Instead of bitching all the time about wanting her blood, BITE SOMEONE ELSE. My god, I would never bite my girlfriend ( Well, maybe a little LOL ) but if I had to do it to live, I would simply alter my target. Bite someone else for godsake. And this Bella girl needs to make her damn mind up. Sleep with a vampire who wants to kill you or sleep with a werewolf who wants to…..I can’t remember, I just about shot myself after seeing the first movie with my mates in China. HAHA Pirated DVDS ( David would like to point out that he in no way condones piracy and is strongly against it. He did not buy a dvd off the street in China so that qualifies him for sainthood).
6. Swiss army knives.
What the hell? When have the Swiss been in any wars? When did the ever have an army? Oh look at me with my little swiss army with its homosexual nail filer and my tweezers. Yeah I’m a real man with a swiss army knife. THEY AREN’T EVEN THAT SHARP!! COME ON!!! I got one thrown at me. The blade hit me square on and it didn’t even cut the skin. Crap, full on crap.
7. Public transport
I really don’t get this. Everyone says that the public transport solves traffic problems. Bullshit. I’ll tell you what it does. It turns 3 lanes of smooth flowing traffic into 2 lanes of f**king crap. And driving behind them. Don’t even get me started.
Well that’s all I can rant about for the time being. Hope you got at least a grin outta this stuff.
Until my next rant, this is David, signing off.
He has basically named all the things that Grind my Gears. Good job.
I agree partially…
but its not my article…
however Twilight has ruined vampires… what happened to the days when the Nosferatu where badass NON SPARKLY evil monsters that forced their will upon women with bodices that are entirely to tight for their chest? Remember when vampires were B-A?
well now they are sparkly emo homo’s…. get over it…
I’l admit I am a halo fan boy but I don’t talk or type like that.
And no im not offended.
About twilight vampires can be what ever you want them to be there is no specific carnation of a vampire and its abilities.
Leave the emos alone everyone has a social group they interact with.
And take no offense because I would be way too lazy to type an article myself.
I agree with all of the article. Mainly the Twilight and Halo bits.
nice job
Swiss army knives are meant to be in general a tool for multiple tasks its not going to be good at a specific job. Just think of it as a conveinantly placed tool.
You can’t really say that the knife is not sharp just by one instance of it not penertrating your skin. You could have at least specified if it was new or old or cheap or expensive.
But I could care less about it.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU…
Nah, I’m messing. A pretty damn accurate rant.
“What the hell? When have the Swiss been in any wars? When did the ever have an army? ”
I agree with some things, but I would like to point out that the Swiss do have a history of being good at warfare (though they declared themselves neutral at 1515 AD, they were still hired as mercenaries). The French used them quite alot, and so did the Pope (though why he wanted an army of professional mercenaries never made sense to me.)
A good example of history (it does help to have a love of history, so much to learn from it) was the Battle of Dreux:
“Despite the end of their supremacy circa 1525, the Swiss pike-armed mercenaries soon bounced back, and thereafter continued to be among the most capable close combat infantry in Europe throughout the sixteenth century, as demonstrated by their battlefield performances serving the King of France in the French Wars of Religion, particularly at the Battle of Dreux, where the block of Royal Swiss pikemen singlehandedly resisted virtually the entire Huguenot army, allowing the Catholic cavalry to eventually counterattack.”
Don’t say the Swiss can’t fight mate. They just like their swiss chess to much to give it up for the sake of war…..
- the pondering fool
FOR THE CHEESE!!! CHARGE! A massive army of Swiss charges at a large terrorist compound with all their swiss army knives.
They attacked because the terrorists attacked the Swiss cheese factories.
FOR THE CHEESE!
Lol. What about the war on Expert…NEED MOAR.
Wow, you really don’t like Swiss anything do you? I strongly agree with the dislike for Halo fanboys, idiot group leaders, and Twilight. Though I don’t have any problem with emos. I like their sense of fashion.
FOR THE CHEESE IMPERIUM!
Swiss worker: SIR! The cheese has gained intelligence and they are attacking the workers! What should we do?!
Swiss director: JOIN THE CHEESE!
Swiss worker: But, why?!? We neutral!
Swiss director: Screw the neutral basterds! The cheese is angry we have never defended it well! I shall give my life for the cheese and the cheese shall grant me power!
/Swiss army knife flies into Swiss workers forehead and he dies.
The newly formed Cheese imperium topples the neutral Swiss basterds and declares the following message.
King Cheese: For too long have you neutral assholes done nothing to defend us! Well no more! As my first act I declare war on all Twilight Fans and merchandise!
The Cheese imperium arms itself and starts to burn everything associated with Twilight. The Halo fans seeing the plague known as Twilight join the Cheese Imperium to aid in the endeavor of destroying Twilight.
The world is nearly split. Choose a side. The Cheese Imperium or Twilight Trolls, Fangirls, and the rare but still equally disturbed Twilight fanboys.
This IS CHEESE TOWN! lol. Im hyper.
lol
100% agree with everything in that article
1. emos need to be extermanated
2. halo IS overrated
3. twilight DOSE suck, cullen needs to be slayed(by buffy maby!? lamo)
Lol awesome. Nice job David
Lol
pretty much everything u said pisses me off as well
except emos they dont really bother me and every1 have different soical grouos as well
i hate 2 admit it i am a halo fan but i dont do wat u have said u pretty much have to be a kid
Yup like I said over xbox live those kids can get pretty arrogant , ignorant and stubborn.
Just makes me and others with a mature mentality look bad as a halo fan.
And I’ll admit halo was pretty hyped up but its not as overrated any more and its not only the childish of the halo fan boys who act like that where it says in the description.
And don’t make a halo fan boy a stereotype, it just demoralizes me.
To be 100% truthful, I liked twilight. I thought it was a good story about love and a good way to show vampires in a differnt light. I do not like, however, most of the fans of the series. Most who read twilight have become brainwashed into thinking anything about vampires is good, leading to millons of vampire tv shows and books. I could make a book titled “the vampire slayer” and have only the words vampire and sex, and a movie would be on it’s way. And that is why twilight grinds my gears.
Vampires… Can’t say the word without having all my friends say “the things that sparkle? God, man, you’re gay if you like vampires!”
now one thing that was good about twilight is that they don’t die in sunlight. could have done without the googoo sparkles…
Im not bashing the swiss here guys. I just find some stuff they have annoying
You said my mind Onesidedfight. =)
Anyways, I pretty much agree to most of your rant David!
Im with cheese but think you need to get that looked at Prime, I mean seriously go see a doctor.
“To be 100% truthful, I liked twilight. I thought it was a good story about love and a good way to show vampires in a differnt light”
i’d suggest you watch true blood…a love story with vampires…but with enogh sex, violence and adult humor to not make it gay…
@Primechaos…
good…uh…rant?assessment?roleplay?possible future script?
nice pic btw, Peter griffin all the way…though Randy Marsh would also look good up there
and as we all know, a dose of Killzone 2 to the face cures Halolitis in all its forms…
@Sam… Do you have kz2? just wondering cause me baron and space marine would like to beat you over the head with a c4 stick in warzone…
““To be 100% truthful, I liked twilight. I thought it was a good story about love and a good way to show vampires in a differnt light”
i’d suggest you watch true blood…a love story with vampires…but with enogh sex, violence and adult humor to not make it gay…”
And I recommend you both go see Bram Stokers Dracula, or even Vampire In Brooklyn. Now there are some damn fine examples of vampires.
Im always too busy pwning Baron with the pistol. The bad one. And I got like, five headshots in a row before killing him normally again!? PWNED.
@jwlynas
good movies. I also liked “interview with a vampire”
@dracosphinx
Sorry to disappoint Draco, i play at a friends house…and i suck at fps on consoles…though “black” was the exception…
Don’t mess with the Swiss army or they will burn you to death in the sun with the magnifying glass. plus if you want to see first hand how bad ass the Swiss are just watch the tick………LOL
“““To be 100% truthful, I liked twilight. I thought it was a good story about love and a good way to show vampires in a differnt light”
i’d suggest you watch true blood…a love story with vampires…but with enogh sex, violence and adult humor to not make it gay…”
And I recommend you both go see Bram Stokers Dracula, or even Vampire In Brooklyn. Now there are some damn fine examples of vampires.”
I recommend you all see (drum roll) BLACKULA!!!
kidding, kidding, kidding,
But seriously most people are over exagerating the halo fan boys. It’s not making fun of them that bothers me. It’s the fact that because the only people you met who like halo are fanboys you assume the series sucks or is over rated. People say halo is overated but the sales of anything that say halo on it says otherwise.
@ Draco
Why don’t you guys ever play me on Killzone anymore? Are you afraid?
At least baron comes to my games once in awhile and watches my awesomeness.
I don’t play you because I have no time to.
@ Draco
Suuuuurrrrrrreeeeeeeeee.
Whatever you say man.
I would. give me a little time on elite skirmish. we’ll have a full on warzone match. just you, me, and bots.
I have to agree with all/most of these, especially point 5.
i agree with:
all of them
epesialy twilight
bella make up ur fiking mind allready and bella is a jerk
werewolf boy “bye”
bella”yeah im gona go break ur heart by going nd making out with edward cullen now so yeah bye”
now edward cullen hes a jerk as well
edward cullen “im going to leave u bella and break ur heart i know that its going to hurt you so much but im going to laeve you anyway”
when edward gone*
bella”hi werewolf boy i want to cheat on edward and be with u now”
and anthor thing some people think that edward so hot and hes to be exepted form his stuipidity and him being a ***hole
another thing some people on online games or xbox gamesthink that if u kill them lots ur hacking
“oh im so good loo at me and my magnum look look look “random 5 year old squeling” oh im going to pwn yeah pwn”
*the noob gets sniped*
“OMG U HACKER F U”
guy”i didnt hack-”
“OMG U DID U DID U DID”
“stop!!! u noob”
“stfu u noob”
*noob kills someone with a grande*
“*squealing and screaming* OMG IM BETER THAN U I KIOLLED SOMEONE OMG YEAH PWNT U NOOB YEAH PWN”
“SHUT UP U FIVE YEAR OLD RETARD!!!”
“PWNPWNPWNPWNPWNPWNWPWNPWNPWNPWNPWNPWNWPWNWPWN*SCREAMING SO LOAD*omg i pwn yeah im so pro”
“that it”
*he exits*
that is anoying
not everyone who plays halo is like that. and COD id also overrated if halo is overrated. and with the vampire one i completely agree. like honestly sparkly vampire? might as well make them run a transexual bar for crying out loud.
and let’s make a twilight movie!…….. the plotline will be the imperial inqusition
from warhammer 40k vist’s the twilight vampire’s……. with a few hundered inquistorial storm troopers!